aristera says

sigh

2007-01-25T14:39:00.000+05:30

Carrie: I do not pick the wrong guys. They pick me.

Miranda: So what, you're like a flystrip for dysfunctional men?

Carrie: Yeah, but one of those really pretty floral scented ones.

la la land

2007-01-16T18:35:00.000+05:30

It seems like I lived.
It seems like I lied.
I liked that I lived.
I was livid that I lied.
I loved that I longed.
I lacked the life.
I lust for the love.
I licked the lips.
I love my luck.
I fuck my luck.
I loath the laments.
i load the medulla.
I unload the shoot.
It was likely that I loved.

what to do?

2006-12-20T08:22:00.000+05:30

The new found energy is a surprise to me too. Didn’t know I could be so geared up and charged up. Ambition at its peak. The drive is on full swing. Barely sleep. Things are going to be different very soon. Am excited, but also a bit disturbed. Is this what I wanted? I also know how stubborn I can be. Its either everything or nothing at all. Always. Its childish. But I think with my heart. I know I am pushing the envelope. I am getting extremely impatient with people. They should allow one to shoot incompetent fools. I mean, its ok to, na?

While work is on in full swing, the personal life… doesn’t exsist. It just doesn’t. what to do?

current music: pink floyd

aristera says:

2006-12-15T08:36:00.000+05:30

Life definitely comes a full circle.

Opportunity knocks not once, but once in a while.

Ambition is sexy.

Love is elusive.

Happiness is a myth.

Sex is so overrated.

Plastic flowers are the worst joke man ever concocted.

Alcohol is man’s greatest invention.

Walking on the moon is uncalled for.

The most beautiful is the most just.

sand in my shoes

2006-12-13T08:27:00.000+05:30

3 days of supreme bliss in goa. did exactly what is my idea of a fun weekend in goa. everything. beer. breezers. diaquiris. sangrias. grilled fish. smoked fish. fries. fruits. apple cinnamon icecreams. flirting with strangers. flirting with non-strangers.

now am back to this bombay. this is exactly how i feel:

Two weeks away feels like the whole world should have changed,

But I'm home now,

and things still look the same.

I think I'll leave it 'til tomorrow to unpack,

Try to forget for one night that I'm back in my flat.

On the road where the cars never stop going through the night,

To a life where I can't watch the sun set.

I don't have time.

I've still got sand in my shoes,

And I can't shake the thought of you.

I should get on, forget you.

But why would I want to?

I know we said goodbye,

Anything else would have been confused.

But I want to see you again.

Tomorrow's back to work and down to sanity,

Should run a bath and then clear up the mess i made before i left here.

Try to remind myself that i was happy here,....

why are people so tacky?

2006-12-06T14:09:00.000+05:30

Miranda Priestly: ...You have no sense of fashion...

Andy Sachs: I think that depends on...

Miranda Priestly: No, no, that wasn't a question.

Happy Together

2006-11-29T18:20:00.000+05:30

A most poignant and brilliant film. One of the saddest and most complex films I have seen. Wang-Kar-Wai is brilliant. He captures both Buenos Aires and Hong Kong exceptionally well. The nuances are just perfect. A must see.

I thought I was different from Po-Wing. Turns out that lonely people … are all the same.

Promises that strangers hold….

2006-11-27T09:34:00.000+05:30

I was told yesterday that I am a single man in love. I couldn’t agree more. I cannot let go of my ‘space’ and ‘ways’. Try as I might. Its sad, scary and probably immature too. I don’t know. when one wants to be a part of my intangible space too… I run before they can say ‘rumplestienskin’. What about when I want to just be? Living on my own has spoilt me. Tolerance levels are at their lowest. Shudder! Its so easy to give up.

When did I turn into this monster?

Where you can fall for chains of silver you can fall for chains of gold

You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold

You promised me everything you promised me think and thin

Now you just says oh romeo yeah you know I used to have a scene with him

chandramukhi

2006-11-26T15:20:00.000+05:30

bhare paimaaney mein aur sharab dalogi, to paimana chhalak jaayega.

roxette

2006-11-21T22:01:00.000+05:30

but i have lost it somehow.

may everyone burn in hell

2006-11-01T12:27:00.000+05:30

a very very very big milestone. achieved. got something i had been hoping and pining for 7 odd years. didnt think it possible for many years to come. was elated (notice the past-tense). again, nobody else was excited (sans my grandmom). my friends smiled. two of them fussed over it. not much else. some glanced at it. my mom saw it, said "it is nice". my dad didnt mention it.

i think the world sucks. or maybe my world sucks.

good thought for the day: may everyone burn in hell. amen.

confession 2

2006-10-17T18:18:00.000+05:30

jag bhar mein mooh maar liya, ab ghar basane ko jee karta hai

confession 1

2006-10-12T11:25:00.000+05:30

i have never been this confused in my life

surreal, but nice

2006-10-04T21:16:00.000+05:30

on the lawns of NID, Ahmedabad

The garba at NID. Tempted to post pics of me in my dhoti, but I think I must refrain. Had the bestest time this weekend. IED, CEPT and NID. 3 nights of dancing to the most amazing garbas. Learnt to do the 12 step garba, the surati, the baroda and the diya dance. Yes, I actually danced with a lamp in my hand. No, I didn’t burn myself or anyone else. No I didn’t trip over my dhoti nor did it come off (not till I didn’t want it to, that is… muhahaha). But I enjoyed myself in gujarat thoroughly after such a long time. There's something surreal about everyone dancing to the tune of folk music belted out by the villagers, in circles, the same step, with no electric lamps, traditional costumes and such wonderful energy.

There is something immensely romantic about dancing with someone you like. To match steps, to smile when you falter and to smile when you don’t.

Raja ni waah waah
Raja ni rani ni waah waah
Raja ni rani ni dikri ni waah waah
Raja ni rani ni dikri ni dasi ni waah waah
Raja ni rani ni dikri ni dasi ni biladi ni waah waah
Raja ni rani ni dikri ni dasi ni biladi na bachhda ni waah waah

My Dreams

2006-09-26T21:39:00.000+05:30

My dreams
Look
For the real thing,

And my reality
Chases
A dream...

-Deepti Naval

2006-09-25T22:10:00.000+05:30

And I don't think one should be too hard on oneself...if the object of one's affection...returns the favor with rather...less enthusiasm than one might've hoped.

Chamique’s tag

2006-09-23T09:51:00.000+05:30

5 things I like doing in my city? (sorry if its touristy, but that’s how I am)

MY CITY 1 – Bombay

1.walk on versova beach, looking longingly at the madh island fort
2.sitting at the bar in zenzi and chatting up with friends/date and leching
3.dancing away the blues at the shack to ‘ra ra Rasputin’ or ‘one way ticket’
4.watching plays at my erstwhile adda prithvi, an arty haven in this unarty city
5.a late night drive to marine drive, stopping at haji ali for strawberries n cream

MY CITY 2 - Ahmedabad (where i spent 5 long years)

1.going to the Sunday market by the river and bargain for curios and books
2.buying veggie dyed fabrics from the old city’s ruins rani no hajiro
3.the garba at cept, and sitting on the lawns and looking at the skies
4.the solitary walks near the gufa, university campus to ponder while gazing at peacocks
5.the winter performances at natrani, by the river, with the overhanging peepul tree

2006-09-17T14:33:00.000+05:30

mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai mr india hai

something toh people will say, people's work is to say

2006-09-13T09:21:00.000+05:30

People think I am a snob. I am. People think I am vain. I am not. People think I am lazy. I am not. People think I wear my heart on my sleeve. I do. People think I judge. I don’t. People think I don’t like them. But I do. People think I am not grounded. I am. People think my spellings suck. They do. People think my life is a cakewalk. ROTFL. People think I am materialistic. Am so not. People think I am a prude. I am. People think I am artsy. I am. People think I spend too much. I do. People think I am impulsive. I am. People think I am in control. I am not. People think I am very casual about most things. I am not. People think I am rude. I am not. People think they can tell me what to do. They cant. People think I don’t know what they think. But… can people think, at all?

sir, a light... please?

2006-09-08T10:49:00.000+05:30

i want to share a post-coital cigarette in bed with someone special (no i dont smoke, but still). i want to cut an apple or have someone cut an apple for me, in bed, late into the night. i want to be kissed on the forehead. i want to throw a tantrum at 4am and insist on driving down to holiday inn for a chicken club sandwich because i skipped dinner (or even if i didnt). i want to ramble away into the night about art. i want pretend to be listening to you while i stare into your eyes and think how crazy i am about you. i want a plain silver commitment band (no it so doesnt have to be from tiffany's) and i want a beach side wedding in goa. i want to wake you up in the middle of the night and tell you how much i love you. and i want to slap you if you woke up me like that. i want you.

Bad Poetry

2006-09-01T16:18:00.000+05:30

The mess on the desk
The many wires
The mess off the desk
The many strings.

The pile of books
Yet to be read
The pile of non-books
Yet to be shred.

The fall of the empire
The rise of the czar
To ask why I have
Come this far.

To tell to me be
What I was
Why don’t you see
Its gone for a toss.

The name’s got
A nice ring
The pain
I could sing

The chance meet
The rain,
The latent heat
I said you’d put out.

The frenzy
The love-making
The mad flirting

Have you ever made-love, while the clock ticks? Have you ever apologized about being yourself? Or waited all day for that one message? Or an entire life-time? Have you ever gotten soaked to the skin when you wanted to be dry? Realized towards the end of a journey, that this is not the path? Been told that you don’t count? Wondered if anyone really cares about how you feel? Ever slept with someone who makes you feel like a loser the next morning? Been asked by a stranger, if you are alright? Cried in a party? Told everyone that you are fine, when you really want to curl-up and die, literraly? Wondered if slitting your wrists would hurt a lot? Told your friends that you hate them, when you meant that you know that they hate you? Been in a roomful of people who hate your guts? Been with someone you thought you loved but they thought you were dumb?

hume peenay ka shawk nahi...

2006-08-27T21:51:00.000+05:30

the last few days have been socially very active. the weekend was as packed as can be. friday evening simple (read:cheap) dinner with a friend at prithvi. then a play. 'manto...ismat hazir hai'. fantabulous. my favorite 'lihaaf' was performed by heeba shah, brilliantly. the other stories and the saadat hasan manto and ismat chugtai's lahore trial would give the oscar wilde trial a run for its money, any day. and mad as i am, i was ofcourse dressed in a black shalwar. followed by an impromto move to the sun and sand bar ' aqua' (grossly over-rated, i think the place sucks). but a round of shots called blue silk panties, horny bull, sparkling diamonds and popsicles. haha. no points for guessing that i went for the horny bull. followed by more drinks at a friends place. suddenly thinking of the cheesy ghazal "badi mehengi hui hai sharab, thodi thodi piya karo!". god help me.

saturday was light dinner foloowed by a round of drinks (my new found interest in rockiolis). didnt know i was a whiskey person. well, now i do. hehe, followed by some mad partying to some mad music with copious amounts of vodka marred with sprite. followed by some more drinks at aforementioned friends pad. no, i dont need to register with AA. not yet. one wild night *sniggers*. went to sleep only at 6.30am. and was up by 9. breakfast and studying, lunch wid granny and nap nap.

the next post will be my current preoccupation with ganpati. ganpati bappa? moriya!

tera rate kya hai?

2006-08-18T10:02:00.000+05:30

THE FOLLOWING ARE OVERRATED:

Sex
Desperate Housewives
America
Queeer As Folk
Amitav Ghosh
Sir Norman Foster
Shabana Azmi
Amitabh Bachchan and Aamir Khan
Tom Hanks and Angelina Jolie
a few blogs

THE FOLLOWING ARE UNDERRATED:

good taste
good food
good education
deepti naval and naseer
love
Godiva Chocolates
good undies
Albert Camus
The Golden Gate
me

currently grooving to: where's the party tonite
james blunt
kishori amonkar

fillum

2006-08-08T22:55:00.000+05:30

some of the best films i have seen in the past few years, some seen over and over again, some i want in my collection, some which i have grown to like only after the second time i saw them, some i loved from the minute i started seeing. architecture and cinema, both my favorite kinesthetic experiences. i remember, i did this project for a humanities class in 3rd year of college where in i drew parallels between the two.... have turned into a big film buff now. at home, in the theatres. but i figured i like em to be noir and complex. i wonder why. hehe.

1. Todo Sobre Mi Madre (Spanish)
2. Rajanigandha (Hindi)
3. Great Expectations (English)
4. Run Lola Run (German)
5. Bad Education (Spanish)
6. Closer (English)
7. 36 Chowringee Lane (English-Bengali)
8. Breakfast at Tiffany’s (English)
9. My Brother Nikhil (Hindi)
10. In which Annie Gives it Those Ones (English-Hindi)
11. Yuganta (Bengali)

random random

2006-08-06T22:38:00.000+05:30

The Bard would have approved…

Omkara. Othello in Uttar Pradesh. Fantastic adaptation. A deep understanding of the characters and an appropriate indianization is the strongest point of the film. Followed by a brilliant background score by bhardwaj himself. Poignant and racy, raunchy and subtle at the same time. The Shakespearean drama, theatrics and larger-than-life scenes lend themselves beautifully to the dialect. The Dog analogies from Othello are brilliantly woven into the script. The names of characters are an intelligent adaptation. Othello is omkara, while Iago is Ishwar (aka langda) tyagi. Desdemona (played decently by kareen kapoor) is dolly mishra and the coup de gras is Emilia (played effortlessly by konkona sensharma). Cassio turns into kesu firangi (veivek oberoi).

Subtle details are what make this a fantastic film. The racial discrimination is tangentially brought in. and so is corruption and the mafia in UP. The dialect is authentic and crass. I personally LOVED the gaalis and have been using them liberally, post the film. Horrible dirty gaalis. My favorite one is Betti-c***. Its sooooo cool.

I could go on and on about what a nice film it was. But it doesn’t make sense. So let me just talk about what I didn’t like about the film. The pace is slack at some points and you are bound to get distracted. Ajay devgan, albeit very good, is a little ‘blah’ in some scenes. A little effort would have helped. Saif has done a great job overall (coming from a saif-hater like me!!) but is a bit too urbane and stylish in parts (like the first scene when he holds the gun like a cowboy from a Western). It takes a while to warm upto him. Bipasha’s costumes are SO WRONG, its not funny. And she is too stylish and hip to pass off as a UP dancer. But the raunchy music manages to overshadow it in most scenes. Oberoi is not victimized enough, like Cassio should have been. Kareena does a decent job in most parts, but is her annoying self in some (like when she is swinging and chiding kesu). But then who else could have played it better?

The songs are superb, though. Authentic UP dance numbers, thumri influence in Namak and beedi is clever. The lyrics are haunting in other numbers. The favorite being Naina. Been listening to it all the time.

But the BESTEST is konkona. Her costumes are brilliant and her body language is unbelievable. The accent is PERFECT and the way she uses her eyes to convey mischief and anger is fabulous!! The scene when she donnes a feminist avatar is a strong and moving scene. So is the naughty remarks she keeps making all through the films. I died everytime she said ‘aye khayn’ in a very vernacular fashion. Loved her to distraction.

Jahan chaar yaar

The shack last night. Two nights of clubbing in a row. Not nice. Friday was chuddi-buddi’s budday. So bogeyed at Poison. Hated the place. Too cheesy for my taste. So made up with 10 pints of beer. *sheepish grin*. I mean come on, they played Fanaa!!! Help me!!! To get the cheesy bit off my head, shack more than made up for it. Decided I will not drink much, and stick to breezers! Got me one, then promptly switched to Bacardi-coke. Hehe. Was to drive back. Worried, but decided what the hell. Did a bad job of it, but got home, what Can I say?

Happy birthday Mr. Aristera

Singing a la Monroe, been a year now since I started blogging. Stopped twice, made a big deal out of it on both counts. Hehe. My bong friend doesn’t call me ‘Naika-posto’ for nothing! Love blogging. Its very addictive for sure. It is incestuous but I have come to terms with it.

Books aur hum

Recently finished reading Gore Vidal’s The City and the Pillar. Don’t know what all the fuss is about. I found it racy and pulp. No big deal, it was. Hmpf!

Lately learnt the art of reading numerous books at the same time. Am currently reading Nagarkar’s Cuckold (literary snobs also approve of this… one of the few books they think are decent from India… lets see), Memoirs of My Melancholic Whores (Marquez disappoints, sorely), Premchandi ki Kahaniyan (in hindi, hey raam, my vocab has gone to the dogs), the cirous incident of the…. (long title. Forgot! But it’s a fantastic fantastic book), zadie smith’s On Beauty (though I think its just average and a hetro version of Hollingurst’s Line of Beauty… but I may be wrong).

Have decided that I want to read Machiavelli and Arthashastra. God help me.

ek tag

2006-07-27T10:19:00.000+05:30

I said... i cannot drive, but I can!!

I want to... study

I wish... I wasn’t so fickle minded

I miss... having someone in my life

I hear... they don’t make them like that anymore

I wonder... mmmmmm

I regret... being queer

I am... immodest but down to earth

I dance... only when I am sloshed

I sing... under my breath, all the time

I cry... a lot, these days

I am not always... right and I detest admitting it, sadly

I write... cheques, and so hate it

I confuse... achievements with happiness

I need... to be told I am good, all the time

I should try... but not too hard

I finish... with a clean slate

I get turned on by . . . achievers, self-made people

I seek . . . simplicity

I won’t . . . cook ever again

I shouldn’t . . . buy a new phone

I confess . . . I love item numbers

I claim . . . to have been there, seen it all, but I soooo haven’t

currently playing in my head: karte hai hum pyaar mr.india se
currently on my player: namak isk ka and beedi

shut window in pondi...

2006-07-25T09:45:00.000+05:30

monsoon blues

2006-07-24T07:08:00.000+05:30

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

anorther Rue in pondi

2006-07-22T07:25:00.000+05:30

my pondicherry album

2006-07-18T19:25:00.000+05:30

my work life

2006-07-14T17:28:00.000+05:30

Does the world need Superman?

2006-07-06T07:46:00.000+05:30

While my city is washed off all its sin, I sit in the comfort of my house, sipping hot coffee and watching films, eating away like there was no tomorrow. So when I ventured out to watch Superman, I realized it rained last night. Since i couldn’t get to Bandra (my friends do not come to ‘this’ part of the city, you see) and had to turn back from water-logged juhu, I decided to make the most of the evening. Found my way to a theatre close-by. Went to Landmark to kill time before the show and landed up buying books, even though I shouldn’t hv. Alas.

Superman
It was like the weather. Damp. Ofcourse the romantic in me loved it for its Fantastic moments. But other than that, I think it was a downer. It missed everything one expects fro a super-hero flick. I think spiderman wins hands-down in this regard. The self-conscious Brandon Routh looks awesome as Superman, but that’s about it. No one is particularly inspiring. However, an over-the-top kitty and her eccentric role is funny, albeit tiny. So, does the world need Superman Returns? I think not.

Katha Collage 2
Motley’s collage of stories was a sheer treat. Premchand’s Shatranj ke Khiladi and Bade Bhaisaab were potrayed fabulously by the Motley cast. I am strange, I have always drawn parallels between Orwell and Premchand.The third katha has Naseer himself. Immanudin (Naseer’s son) was a sheer treat in the first katha. A controlled performance is how I could best describe it. Great comic timing and fantastic body language. After the longest time, I saw an authentic Hindi play (not just the language but also the sensibility). Was ashamed that my hindi is so rusty. I really need to work on it. I used to be very good at it school. Sigh. And I wonder why no one these days wants to learn hindi. Why this mad mania to learn firang languages? I mean, its perfectly fine, but not one person wants to perfect his/ her hindi? Strange.

Mumbai ka haal behaal
Why are Indian news channels so bad? So lame, lazy, crude and disinterested? And so many of them! We could so do with one good news channel. I think NDTV was rather nice, in the good old days when it has begun.

Football
I think italy should win the world cup. I was very happy to see germany lose 2-0 to italy. Wish the matches were at a better time though. Even an hour earlier would have helped. I think I want to watch the next few matches on a big screen with a large pitcher of beer and eye candy.

Serendipity
While we are at ‘eye-candy’, I couldn’t help but notice… theres just more of it all around in the rains, na? It cant be my imagination, it just cant. I was waiting for a friend at the local bakery yesterday. While it poured, I stood out side with my old umbrella (you don’t get umbrellas in Bombay anymore, Benetton says they will get them in August, ok?) and looked at this stranger under the awning of the bakery. Eye contact. Prolonged eye contact. The usual ‘checkin-out’ business. Ever so slight hint of a smile. I turned away. Turned back to look. Eye cntact again. I rolled my eyes. Looked away. Looked again. And so on. There was something immensely nice about this innocent encounter. Made me happy. The stranger stubbed the cigarette and walked away. I wish I smoked. Asking for a light is such a corny but simple ice-breaking line, na? I think smoking is good, it is. So while I decided to walk away too, we kept turning around over and over again to see if the other was looking too. It was too sweet, if you know what I mean. But then after a point I had to stop, I got almost run over by a wretched bus. Bitch. Hmpf.

Dating
Am going to be pro-active and date. Am dying to go out there and date. Its been a while. A good date, some intelligent conversation (sometimes I can, you know) and some good place to just sit and talk, talk, talk. The subtle possibility of it turning more meaningful.

Gyaan for the Day

Maria: You call this a relationship?

Samantha: Well, it's tedious and the sex is dwindling, so from what I've heard, YES!

wicked!!!

2006-07-03T17:03:00.000+05:30

Stanford: Before I tell you, you have to promise not to judge.

Carrie: Do I judge?

Stanford: We all judge. That's our hobby. Some people do arts and crafts; we judge.

As much as you can

2006-07-01T18:10:00.000+05:30

Even if you cannot shape your life as you want it,
at least try this
as much as you can; do not debase it
in excessive contact with the world,
in the excessive movements and talk.

Do not debase it by taking it,
dragging it often and exposing it
to the daily folly
of relationships and associations,
until it becomes burdensome as an alien life.

-Constantine P. Cavafy (1913)

half time

2006-06-29T08:07:00.000+05:30

Mid-way through the year. Time to see the accounts. New year resolutions were made. Ofcourse, they were for the entire year, but its nice to see how far we have come (or not come). So here goes, me 6 months ago…

1. go see ankorwat - missed it, but still might.

2. buy a car - done

3. read books on my list of must reads -decent progress, not bad at all

4. get my works published on cover page - work in progress, will be done

5. learn to salsa - tried, twice, not my cup of tea

6. drive down somewhere far in the rains - work in progress too!

7. have a threesome - sigh. lets see.

8. go for the abida parween concert at humayun’s tomb - missed it only because no one told me when it happened!! grrrr!!

9. get rid of my cold - no cold as of now

10. be happy - sigh. work in progress, i guess...

Ah, well. Not too bad. 6 more moths to go. I think I can manage it, n’est pas? We shall see. Some more plans are in the pipeline. Lets see how it goes. No clue yet.
One thing I cant handle is bureaucracy. Endless paper work, endless queues and unprofessional attitude. No value for the other persons time. It disgusts me like mad. It really does. Ruins my entire day and depresses the hell outa me. I don’t know why, but it does.

Another thing I don’t like to do is accounts and clerical paper work. I feel I am wasting precious time which could have been well spent doing something more meaningful. But this I can handle. I know that eventually I will have someone to do it for me. As for now, I will survive.

Nothing cheers me up like Sex and the City. Am always in an upbeat mood when I see the show. Its like a placebo. It makes me smile, ponder, giggle, chuckle and roll my eyes.

One line that Carrie said, struck a chord. I thought to myself, hey! That’s my line. “we have nothing in common but each other”…. Pondered over it and laughed it off. Sigh.

Another thingy I identify totally with is the film Closer. A question that Natalie Portman puts across to Jude Law, ‘isnt love enough?’. It kills me. For the longest time I would think that it is enough. But that is naïve. Love is only enough when everything else is there. It is the everything else that goes to make love what it is, in the first place. So in a sense, love is enough, but at the same time it isn’t. am I making sense?

A new development in my head. A one constant factor that I held dear to me, I have discarded. It doesn’t matter anymore. Am willing to explore. It is liberating and scary. But, I tell myself that this is the time and age to shed such constraining constants and just do what my heart says.

Eating lots of gulab-jamuns. Left overs from a dinner last week. A fun time. I cooked some. Ordered in some. Didn’t get time to marinate the chicken, so called for some, the rotis too. I cannot and willnot make rotis. Just. So I tossed a raita (or whipped up some, I don’t know) and make a nice improvised hibiscus mojito (vodka, hibiscus juice, mint, lotsa ice and soda) and got some chips and hommus. Made some methi mutter malai and kadai paneer. Very Indian. Was fed up of tossing a simple pasta. Hehe. Some drinks, only close friends. Am very fond of all of them. Talked nonsense. Laughed a lot. I think these ‘soirees’ are my favorite times. I think they are. So are B’s parties. Though they are not as small in scale, but the fact that the people I am comfortable with are around guarantees a good time ahead. Ended the meal with lotsa Bavarian Chocolate Icecream, courtesy R. divine divine tub of icecream. Perfect for a night-in. Sigh. Hehehe. So the story was about the gulab jamuns. Since R got the icecream, no one touched the gulab jamuns. And so, I eat gulab jamuns all the time and live ever happily ever after.

Poona aani me

2006-06-27T16:26:00.000+05:30

The weekend, after a particularly futile long week. Struggling over things which were of no use. Exasperations and tribulations. A late night to wind up ridiculous work. And an early morning journey to Poona. Took forever to get there. That it takes just 3 hours is such a myth. No, wait. It’s a blatant lie. Anyways. The journey was largely spent in sleeping, except for a halt at the food court on the express way for a nice maharashtrian breakfast of missal paav. Divine.So I reach the little town of Poona (no it is not a city… you see, I have a theory, it goes ‘there is Bombay and there is India. The only ‘city’ city, if you know what I mean. Delhi? It’s a very big ‘small town’. Yes, I know people hate me for this theory, but, do I look like I care? *wicked grin*). So where was i? ah, Poona.

Met G mid way in the town and headed off for some work that needed to be taken care of (it was work come pleasure trip na). got done only mid-afternoon. A simple lunch at her place and we were ready to head out again. She had a class to teach and me had time to kill. So while she went off to alliance francaise de Poona, I gladly went to Manney’s. this quaint old bookstore on MG road. Awesome collection of books. Not very different from Higgin Botham (the Chennai bookstore I talked of in the last post?). so I spent some distracted time here (a mean client kept sending messages all this while, and infuriating ones at that… my mistake was that I kept replying *rolls eyes*) and then I couldn’t just think of books, so I walked out. Keeping me company was the new Kundera I picked up the previous day at the Bombay Crossword. ‘Laughable Loves’ a collection of his short stories. The title somehow seemed apt *chuckles*. Already done with 3 of the stories, but I think he is much better with his novels. Just finished ‘Identity’ and loved it to bits. Takes you to a different level all together. And only Kundera can do that to you in so simple a way.

So I head off to Marzorin with my Kundera. Marzorin is this beautiful irani sweet-meat / coffee shop on MG road. For the uninitiated, it is bang opposite the Bombay Stores. Spent a good 2 hours there. Reading, sipping guava juice (my favorite place for guava juice, Samovar only comes second) and munching on chutney sandwiches. The tables on the upper floor are all by the windows of the long balcony and one can look down at the passers by on MG. some nice hot coffee to go with the cloudy evening sky.

Meet G at the class and headed to the Max Mueller Bhavan on the beautiful Boat Club Road (this plush tree lines precinct of Poona with low rise buildings and old bungalows). The German institute was a huge old bungalow with an even more beautiful lawn at the back. We had come here for a concert for ‘fete de la musique’ (for my nice ‘non-foreign- language-speaking’ readers, the international music day is celebrated all over Europe on the 21st of june every year).

The program consisted of German, French, Marathi and Hindi songs. Some of the songs were fun. The lyrics ofcourse went all above my head, hehe, but nevertheless, it was fun. The few English songs they sang were really good. This nice song from the musical ‘Oliver’ was rocking. The Pocket Choir (pocket sized as the singers were as young as 8 ) was charming and the renditions of Beethoven and Mozzart (combined celebrations of the genius’ birthday) were much appreciated and reminded me of my brief encounter with Western Classical Music *devilish grin*. P sang two songs in French and was duly recorded on the video cam. We skipped the hindi and marathi numbers ( I was the only one who wanted to stay back for them….) and headed out to dinner. After numerous arguments and painful dialogues (will not bore the reader with the trauma that I suffered) we landed up at All Stir Fry at the Poona Gordon House. An awesome meal of dimsums and chicken noodles in a wok with chilly plum sauce all with a chilled beer (to unwind, you see). Reached home very very late. Lesson of the day: I hate 18 year olds. They are STUPID. May I also add INSUFFERABLE.

Restful sleep and some nice simple breakfast, discussing photography and tripod. Post shower, about 2 hours of work. And then off to Koregaon Park for a hearty lunch. Central Park for a big buffet. Pigged out on the food. Some great salad, some mousse, some nice fish some good chicken and some time with G, one on one. Discussing future plans. nice.
Writing this post on the way back, while they play a horrid ‘Haseena Maan Jaayegi’ in the bus. Did I forget to mention that I saw an equally juvenile ‘Kyunki Main Jhooth Nahin Bolta’. The bus winds madly on the western ghats. The view outside is fabulous. The green green hills and the skies heavily laden with dark clouds. I think its about to rain. Yay! Just dying to get home now. Make me some nice tea, ponder over the weekend, plan my week and catch up on some sleep.

Is there more to life than time well spent talking to close friends, eating good food and making plans for the future? I think it makes all the weekday drama-trauma worthwhile. I think I can keep telling myself all this week, ‘This too shall pass, this too’.

The first trip to Poona was many years ago. During school days, I think over 12 years was a completely different experience. But then so were the numerous trips that followed. Another memorable one was during college, me exploring the osho commune. Was a lazy and interesting 3 days in Poona. The study tour was another memorable one. We walked the length of Jangli Maharaj and MG road so many times, and explored all the bakeries that came our way. Partied like mad and generally had a great college-mad kinda trip. The various trips that followed once G moved to Poona have essentially been very good. I’d rest, I’d eat and read, we talk, some good restaurants and coffees, some walks in the verdant bylanes of koregaon, some bottles of good wine, and so much conversation.

Is there another way to live this life? I hope not!

The Auroville Diaries

2006-06-20T09:43:00.000+05:30

The 8 day holiday, that happened in a funny way (atleast I think its funny). The plan was initially to go to Cambodia. Have been dying to see Ankorwat for many years now. My sociology prof at college raved so much about it my first year of college, that I decided that I will go there someday. Plus Thailand was a major part of the plan. But me being me, and finishing work only a few ohurs before the day I could leave, could not make the necessary bookings, visa issues and the works. So here I was, work all wrapped up, clients informed of my absence for the next 8 days and nowhere to go.

Out came my lonely planet (yes, I refer to the lonely planet, no its not a firang thing to do… all my friends who thought so, have bitten their tongues once they figured how useful it is) and I short listed my options.

Option 1: Leh
Erratic flights from delhi. I might land up spending half my holiday in delhi. Nahi! Plus I don’t climb mountains. But the bare landscapes are so tempting. It doesn’t help that I am asthmatic.

Option 2: Sikkim
Needs more planning. The research would have to be better than a late night 3 hour figuring out. But tempting as hell.

Option 3: Kerala
Too touristy. Too easy. Too scenic. Perhaps with someone?

Option 4: Auroville
Ah! Why didn’t I think of it before. Have been dying to go there for 8 years. Makes sense. A friend had just gotten back from there. The data was easily available. Bingo!

So the next morning I find the cheapest fares and book my tickets to Chennai.

Auroville was all I expected it to be and more. It was an architects laboratory. Such experimental work. It was heaven. I cycled in the woods. Explored on a moped. Did organic farming (an immensely satisfying experience, this) and earned me a breakfast in barter. It was a meal I felt humbled earning. Its different from earning money for the work you do and buying food. The lemon rice tasted so nice! Pottery lessons! How I longed to sit on the wheel. Finally managed centering. It was so much fun. But the best bit was the architectural trail. I hunted these beautiful houses hidden amongst trees. So many of them. It was a dream ville. Met interesting people from all over the world at the guest house. Ate organic food. Nights were with friends at the town hall to watch films. Drank amazing hibiscus juice. Got some back home. So many cookies and jams. Teas…organic. A Mexican girl who played and sang us some folk music from mexico. And a generally fun bunch of others. We tapped and clapped to the music and had a great time.

Pondicherry was the nicest small town, ever. So clean, so calm. Where else do you see women on cycles with a basket full of flowers, bakes and books? The heritage walk was fascinating. The streets have an insence fragrance. Its so surreal. The French food was divine. At Satsanga. Coq au vin, pate’ and so much more. The courtyards. The French villas. The chance encountering of making a friend and travel buddy over lunch. The promenade. The books. The French streets. Rue de francois martin. So so French. The Francophile would have loved it. The tamil precint and the French precint. The people were friendly. Met some architects. Discussed how they were conserving the buildings there.

Mahabalipuram on the way back to Chennai. Beautiful temples. Rock cut. Everything I had read about them came Back in a flash. The shore temples and the cave temples. The rathas. The ganas. One of my favorite temples. Mahabalipuram is a true temple town.

Chennai was a bit strange. Didn’t connect with it at all. But had a nice time overall. Was there for only half a day. Met some friends and lazed around. Sari shopping for mommy at Nalli’s. books for me at this nice book store called Higgin Botham’s. bought too many books.

Came to Bombay, late at night. Major flight delays (I have come to accept this as a part of my destiny….dont remember the last time I took a flight which was on time, I swear). I didn’t come ‘back’. I just came here. There wasn’t anything to come back to. But I still think of the swim in the sea on auroville beach. Swimming in the Monsoon Sea, indeed.

Read loads on the trip. Finished two books. Bought 6 more. Reading them now. All in all the trip helped in clearing my head about some matters. Some it didn’t. some new goals. Some failed ‘times’. Some self-discoveries. But, I learnt something very important about myself.

my favorite post

2006-05-27T00:56:00.000+05:30

nonsense
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hai to nayee phir bhi hai puraane

2006-05-24T10:15:00.000+05:30

am at peace with a lot. thats really good. things hardly bother me much. some things do. lots dont. am chilling in my head. i fret over somethings but in time i think i can handle those too. some skeletons from the closet have been burried and put to rest. some hate and wrath has been dealt with and channelised in the right direction, i think. reading a bit now. high time. had been out of touch with my books for sometime. was feeling odd. good to catch up on my reading. re-reading 'Of Love and Other Demons', my favorite marquez book. he is GOOD. will post my two-bit on it once i am done.

project completion today. so am happy. satisfaction happens. feel lazy right now. M is coming to site today. its fun to have her around. keeps giving mad gyaan about things. hehe. now its time to run to work. take the day full on and get it over and done with. please, god help me do my paper. am worried. procrastinated it so so so much. hey raam.

do people get my blogpost titles? as in not why the posts are titled such, but the songs? i know for a fact that 'Sex and Mumbai' does. but do the others? doubt it.

ek khatma ho, to dusari raat aa jatee hai, hothon pe phir bhoole hue baat aa jaatee hai...

current colour: lime green

.......

2006-05-23T08:44:00.000+05:30

went through a bloggers block for a while. opened the 'new post' page and didnt know what to write. tried to not write about anything too personal in the past few posts. it backfires. so i decided to do my film reviews et all. thanda posts. well.

the weekend got over so so so fast. but sunday was good. brunch (which turned into lunch because we were rather late) at moshe's. the food was divine. chargrilled aubergines, nice breads, marinated olives, chicken and greens, pasta, mud pie, mousse, mango cheesecake, blueberry cheesecake and so much more. gimme a D, gimme a I, gimme a V, gimme a I, gimme a N, gimme a E.

this week is a deadline, i was sure i would miss. but i think i am going to make it. so its ok. but generally interest levels in work have nose-dived. i think i need to re-structure things at work. loads to do, i procrastinate. all the time. my aesthetics paper is due end of the week. hardly worked on it. am a bad boy. bad, bad, bad. going on a holiday next week. am excited as hell. wanted to this for so so long. almost 8 years. yay!

what else? *sigh* this is a forced post. to get back into the groove.

trying to do something interesting. non-work related. am excited. hope it works out. there's no reason why it shouldnt. so keeping my fingers crossed. chalo now i cant cant write anymore forced stuff.

current colour: ochre

of love and other demons

2006-05-18T10:53:00.000+05:30

someone once asked me if 'love was bridging across differences and finding a common ground'. i was 18 then. i didnt know the answer. i am 25 now. i still dont know the answer.
current colour: none

Dosar, the companion

2006-05-17T10:01:00.000+05:30

ritudi's latest offering. very nice. much better than his last few flicks. a very cliched plot, dealt with great sensitivity. infidelity. konkona is fantabulous and so is prosenjit. she plays Kaberi, the distraught wife with so much nuance. the screenplay is tight and crisp. the cinematography is striking. the poetry and the background scores are very interesting. but i dont know why it was made in black and white. i think it was a bit affected. colour would have worked just as well or perhaps better.

the conflict within kaberi as a wife and as a woman is interesting. the potrayal is beautiful. the sub-plots of the infidelity of the friends makes it more edgy. all in all a rich film.

aamar thoth tomar thott chholom.... a poem used rather interestingly in 3 different situations. but are they really very different? the other characters like the boss, his wife, the mothers or the neighbour are very believable and add to the realness of the situation.

needless to say, sensharma looks amazing in the film. devastating and devastated!

current colour: black

Pedro Almodovar

2006-05-15T07:38:00.000+05:30

Todo Sobre mi Madre (all about my mother)

Almodovar's 1999 oscar winner. brilliant. textured. most complex. nuanced at so many many levels. the incest, the trust, the disgust. dramatic. only an almodovar can pull this off. its sexy, its dark, its hilarious. cecelia roth is fantastic in the film. the use of colour in almodovar's films is art in itself. the burnt oranges, the ochres, the reds. the patterned wall papers and table clothes, the couch or the lone chiar. these create a tension of its own (atleast in my opinion). drag was never this interesting.
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Qu he hecho yo para merecer esto ? (what have i done to deserve this!!)
Pedro Almodovar's 1984 noir comedy. the film is complex and packed. the characters are highly disfunctional. the pace is strange. the edit is superb. its absurdist and magical. of pet-lizards and sex. of whores and paedophiles. of adolescence and bourgeois. seeling mineral water to her own son at the dinner table. mad best.

current coluor: ochre

mein disco, tu ek disco, duniya hai ek disco!!

2006-05-13T12:20:00.000+05:30

a week of blog backlog. the net was not working. frustrating. but its been a good week. one very bad thing happened. i hate it. i missed my flight. felt disgusted at myself for being to irresponsible and wasting so much money. so i am on a low budget spree these day. no spending money. suits me right. and when i got back that evening, i died. to have someone suprise you at the arrival gates of a airport... to pick you... it seems so typical-romantic, but trust me, when it happens to you, you are so so so not prepared for it. its like too nice a thing to be really happening. especially if you have had a 20 hour long day. i am one lucky bastard.

the rest f the week was typical work. moderately long hours. nothing to really complain about. the weekend is finally here. seems promising. some studying needs to be done. have a paper due end of this month. but i also was to see 'Closer' again. love the film. lets see. then theres this mad party at night. i think its gonna be fun. want to see 'Dosar' tomm. Rituparno's latest. knkona and Prosonjit. i think it will be good. for a change, no aishwaria. thank god. also might go watch the salsa lot salsa away tomm. not sure again. want to do my ritual coffee tomm. with A. missed it last sunday. feel guilty.

current colour: washed out grey-brown

ooooooo sweet child of mine

2006-05-06T17:59:00.000+05:30

TGIF. thats what i said to myself yesterday. after some rushed work from early early morning to early evening (the mundane sorts, stupppid exel sheets) i rushed to the art show. a strange mix of works. but the space is super fantabulous. hai! then to bandra. had some authentic mutton dhan-saak for dinner. sweet. though i am not one for mutton, it was very nice. i like bawa food too. hehe. then dragged a friend out for some chai (i didnt do the dragging, i dont think it would have worked if it was me doing it ,anyways). all in all a nice evening. stayed up till late. hehe. woke up at 12.30 in the afternoon. was shocked at myself. lunch with granny and then shopping with my cousin. looking for puzzles. went to the juhu crosswork. it is SHIT. like S like H like I like T. they didnt know what puzzles are. jigsaw? no! then i went to the music section. this loser of a girl there! i asked her where the western classical section was. she asked me if i meant punjabi music. i wanted to slap her. then we were off to granth. to look for a puzzle for me and a spanish textbook for my cousin. didnt find either. but got me anorther interesting book, albeit work related. couldnt even get the lonely planet i was looking for. nevermind.

work calls for a few hours in the afternoon. got things back on track. painted for a while. new series. shaping up well. am happy with it. lets see. now off to pay my celfone bill. then buy some supplies for the week. i need to stock up food. i never have anything at home. ever. hmpf. then to meet a bunch of friend at JATC in the evening. then make plans for the night. wooohooo. hope no movie plans. lets see.

tomorrow i want to meet A for our ritua sunday coffee at the BBC. and generally catch up on my reading. then off to watch osme salsa. hope they dont drag me onto the dance floor. i cant. i swear. but zenzi is good fun, always.

current colour: eggshell white

aye sala, abhi abhi, hua yakeen

2006-05-05T08:31:00.000+05:30

blogging while i sip strong strong black coffee. not out of choice, i just forgot to by a carton of milk. hmpf.

some people are best left in the past. friends (or something like that), who you dont identify with anymore. this one friend from the past came over last night to collect some boks of his. i wanted it over and done with, asap. dont know why. we dont have anything in common. then i rushed off to my granny's for some nice dhan-saak dinner. with brown rice, ofcourse. then rushed back to bandra (within a span of two hours of coming back from there) to meet M for a coffee. she is to leave for jaipur for a month. had to give her some stuff and wanted to catch up. she never fails to amaze me. her approach to life. i am learning from her. though she better not know that. after all i am her proffesor. hehe. nice. she is so well-rounded in her ways. so much of values. so much. hats off lady! someday, i shall too. *promises himself solemnly*

then met my baby for a late late night cheesecake.

i think i am handling life with a little more sense. at the same time, am not looking feverently for answers and meanings. have decided to do something. lets see how it goes. but am sure i want to do it. need to loosen up. am not a bussinessman. i am a creative person. i need to grow more. need to do so much more.

cant wait for the weekend. will have to work a bit on saturday morning, but thats ok. rest of the day is all for me. sunday, at last. meet loadsa friends. paint a bit. eat like mad, mad. want to meet A. i hope she has time. she is going away soon. *sigh* and want to go watch this bunch of people salsa away the night...

current colour: flesh tint

lakdi ki kathi, kathi pe ghoda

2006-05-04T09:43:00.000+05:30

my oldest friend doesnt understand me. its so so so sad. the other friend, i have drifted away from. cant cnnect much. distance. the third friend i dont discuss some things with. so its a little lonely in some ways. the school friends... we have over the years grown very fond of each other.

one a completely different note, it poured in paradise yesterday. i was taken off my gaurd. soaked to the skin. had taken something for granted. shouldnt have. i totally shut down. couldnt even think. didnt know if i could deal with it. flashback playing in my head. at a crazy pace. its not fair to the other person to carry baggage from a previous relationship. yes, i am still scarred, and badly so. in time i want to get rid of it. hope i can. i think i can. but the insecurity lingers. it must be burried. sometimes people dont know how much damage they have done to you. at all. well. bygones are bygones are bygones. nevermind!

a fresh slate. fresh me? you said it, you got it. taking a stance. being proactive. to make it work, whatever it takes. so much to look forward to. need to look at life from a different perspective. 25 is too soon to have just one POV. hell, any age is. na? so, well. the salty, tanned, languid, mad me is in back in proactive mode. taking life by the reins. whipping it hard and galloping ahead. the sound of the hoofs are powerful, assuring and sexy. go boy!

current colour: white

heaven is a place on earth

2006-05-02T13:56:00.000+05:30

I'm not going to tell the story the way it happened. I'm going to tell it the way I remember it.
having told lots of people that i could not make any plans for the weekend...i decided very on the spur of the moment i was asked, that i would go to goa.
cliched as it sounds, there is something about goa that makes you unwind. i dont know if its the air, the water, the sand, the people. but i will get back to that later. so we went to goa. didnt really know 3 out of the 4 people i was going with. i had met them all once, but still. so not me to do something like this. hehe. took the bus, which was terribly late. it was cold, but i was ok. i was the olny person most comfortable in that 16 hours long journey. the others were either sick, cold or irked by the entire ordeal.
the cab ride from Mapusa to Mandrem was pleasant. i didnt have much space to sit, but i liked that. it helped that all of us got along rather well. Mandrem is this little village way up north. up ahead of anjuna but south of vagator. we were the only 5 guests at the River Cat Villa. a portuguese villa turned into a hotel. a tad kitsch. but beautiful. the rooms overlooked the river, while the beach was a minutes walk from there. a deserted beach. peace like nowhere else in goa. birds chirping, the rustle of the leaves. the banana fronds, the frangipanni flowers, the hibiscus adding the colour.
i carried the smallets bag in the group. 5 tee shirts, one ganji, and some shorts. didnt even wear most of them. hehe. goa. lost my shades. was heart broken for a minute. then someone cheered me up. had a bit of a crash course in french. but i had this comfortable way of switching off when i wanted to. do my thinking. and they didnt seem to mind. we got veryy little alone time, but thats ok with me. there are many more times to come. many. 3 trips in the planning already!
3 days of swimming in the sea...eating the most succulent king-fish, pomfret, red snapper. big fat fresh fish. heaven. crazily spiked pinacoladas, bloody marys, kingfisher beer and breezers. the laying in sand, just where the surf mixes with the sand. made me a sand pillow and all i did was lie there and let the waves lash at me. the games we played in the water. on the sand. the card games in cafe lila, my favorite cafe in goa. by the baga river. smoked kingfish and aubergine pate and croissants and lotsa of noise. i think we woke up the entire cafe with our mad game.
the smell of pot in the air. the platters of fish, the numerous dips in the water. the showers and the numerous hammocks at the villa. it was all spiked with love. an so much of it. it was perfect.
.
the last time i was in goa, was over newyears. this is what i said...
goa over new years. nothing but sheer indulgence. spoilt me. goan lunches. english breakfasts, italiano dinners...the good life. lazy long brunches at cafe lila's (not to confuse with the fancy hotel) beautiful little place by the baga river creek. chicken pate', sour dough bread, smoked fish (sex is nothing compared to this kingfish...please trust me). smoothies and shakes, cheese and croissants. aaah. authentic goan food (but terrible terrible service) at martins in south goa. my goan friend j who was with us on the trip was on a 'goa pride' mode and wanted us to sample everything local...xacuti, local bread, fish preperations, the works. little snippets from him about old goa. st augutine's star which was a beautiful ruins. will post pics if my friend b ever gives em to me. swimming in the sea is so liberating! j and i went bonkers. spent a good amount of time with him for the first time. bonded like nobodies business. over common interests (to shallow to write about...haha). port wine, cashew feni with mirch and orange drink (vile), good old sula, breezers (pansy drink and all, but ok if its between sessions or real drinking) on the beach, beer by the gallon on the beach beds, fresh lime sodas for breakfast.
the most beautiful night was the night of 1st jan 2006. 6 bloody mary's (just for a frigging 100bucks each... i wana live on anjuna) and a peaceful beach. clear sky, stars, walking alone on the deserted beach, faintr music in the background, and those little fish which light up...at my feet. it was lke walking under stars and on stars. have never ever been so happy. at peace. c'est la vie. it is!
went with a bunch of friends with whom i have developed over a short apell of time (a little over a year) a great comfort level. we were all just being our selves. priorities didnt clash. we all are gluttons (new year confessions and all). shopped some. got back guava cheese (divine) and coffee liquer and cherry brandy liquer (cant spell the word) and some flip flops. sand in my soul.
all in all a perfect trip. all i wanted and more (except for the shady club we partyed at which was more of a pick up joint for aging firangs and the fact that i didnt get laid...i tried and so hard...hehe). if you have noticed, the blog is getting more honest this year.
getting back to bombay was a rude shock, to say the least. wasnt prepared for the onslaught. need to go back.
.
current colour: sea green

.....to the place i belong

2006-04-28T19:54:00.000+05:30

all my bags are packed.
am ready to go...
3 days in GOA! *cathces breath*
should be a great weekend.
have warned everyone here to not bother me for the next three days.
going to stay in a portuguese villa. mandrem beach. off the typical scene of baga and anjuna. but a stone's throw from arambol, vagator and in close proximity to anjuna.
packed em shorts. i actually bought a ganji! woohooo. but only for goa. i swear *pinches the flesh over the adams apple and has a solemn expression*
lotsa things to do. nothing to do at all. eat a lot. drink a lot. make merry (yes, thats what we call IT these days!) MUHAHAHAHAHA.
off in 30 mins. gotta shut the house up and clear up the fridge. and here i am blogging away to glory. hehe. not very me. but my new mantra in life is 'throw caution to the winds'. hehe.
ladies and gentlemen, love you all! *waves to the readers* miss me.
mad i have gone.
current colour: washed out plum

pehle se likha kuch bhi nahin...jo bhi likha hai...yeh lamha filhaal...

2006-04-26T22:16:00.000+05:30

most eventful past few days. life is changing so fast, so soon. too much happening too soon. work, love life, everything. its like being caught in this whirlwind. a crazy crazy dream project offer. talks are on. but its so FUCKING big, its not funny. something i thought i would do 25 years from now. hope as hell it works out. actually, even if it doesnt, the fact that i was considered for the project is a kick-ass thing in itself. *gloats*

in a dilemma about one thing, though. dont know what to do. lets see. catch 22.

am extremely happy these days. extremely. being myself. 'throwing caution to the winds' like my baby says it. its surreal. and its been so long. one relationship in the last 2 years. for 2 months. and an awful waste at that. had almost forgotten what it is like. almost. last evening was PERFECT. so were all the other dates. are we rushing it? my friends think so. i would have thought so. but if it seems right, then why not? it would be forced to take things slowly when you feel a certain way, na? the rose is standing in the emptied bottle of rose'.

cant wait for it to be the weekend. goa. oh my goa. wooohoooo. mad amount of work (almost inhumane) to be finished before i can push off. but i know it iwll all be so much fun. for a change am not obsessing over the details. where or what or how. i really dont care. i just...

a lifetime is spent. a lifetime needs to be lived.

listening to: Mazart symphony no.25 in G minor (tihs one is to amuse you, viv!)

current colour: burnt purple

its not poetry, its my life

2006-04-24T23:09:00.000+05:30

]Real, really?
Mad, completely.
Fake, really.
Weird, actually.
Sensible, rarely.
Happy? Occasionally.
Nostalgic, immensely.
Nonchalant, rarely.
Cold, regularly.
Tired, nocturnally.
Self-doubts? Daily!
Hopeful? Completely.
Hopeless, absolutely.
Clever? Selectively.
Obliges, testily.
Settle-down, ultimately.
Break-down, annually.
Ambitious, obviously!
Ethical, rightly.
Drink? Socially.
Smile, fortnightly.
Vexed, bi-monthly.
Mega-irked, weekly.
In love? Seriously.

Nessun Dorma

2006-04-23T01:33:00.000+05:30

No one shall sleep

Let no one sleep

May no one sleep

so i was warned that my post titles would change one of these days. well.

am up. its almost 1.30am. saturday night. so whats new? for starters, i am studying and thats why i am up. not out drinking at my favorite bar. geek. hey raam. tired. just made me a cuppa strong black coffee. listening to Nessun Dorma.

studied for the shortest time. crammed in so much into my little head. wow. ravi verma's civilizational project mixed with nayaka-nayika in radha krishan paintings of pahadi school muddled up with bibhatsa rasa with some irrelavant garnish of indo-sarcenic architecture. i am so tired. i havent the energy. so much for my psued course. thank god i payed a little attention to the old foggies in class. else i wouldnt have been able to make head or tale of anything last minute. not that it makes much sense right now. did i mentioned i am tired. but also immensely happy. something mega nice happened. and studying makes me feel good. i feel a little clever if i can understand things. hehe. and sometimes, good things happen to good people. hehe. yay!

replaying the piece. its nice though i dont understand the nuances. someday i shall. till then i am not sahridaya with it, but in my sthayi bhava i am keep to transcend to ananda. yes, i write nonsense. but do others write any sense. i feel like writing rubbish. so many people write rubbish. sometimes they win bookers for it too.

from next week i wish i can say, 'thank god its friday'. no more saturday class. yay! planned my new painting in my head. worked out. want to begin on monday night. nocturnal activity. hehe. yay! am happy and tired. yes, i know i am repeating it. in literature, repitition is a figure of speech, ok?

should go to sleep. getting all conked. hehe. going to get up at 6am and study some more. get reference visuals, scan and print them. *sigh* and then to much hated kalina. *hey raam wala sigh* to write the damn paper. and then lunch with my friends. looking forward to it. hope thay all come. then for sorbet with M. my favorite student? yup, her only. then home to get dressed for the date. yay! am happy. and tired.

current colour: silver white of the quiescent moon

current mood :'Ennis, riding against the wind back to the sheep in the treacherous, drunken light, thought he'd never had such a good time, felt he could paw the white out of the moon'.

Nessun dorma" is an aria from the final Act of Giacomo Puccini's opera Turandot. The aria, whose title translates from Italian as "Let no one sleep", follows the proclamation by the Princess Turandot that no-one shall sleep: they shall all spend the night attempting to find out the name of the unknown prince, Calaf, who has set the challenge. Calaf sings, indicating his certainty that their effort will be in vain.

iss sheher mein tum jaise deewane hazaaron hain

2006-04-21T22:49:00.000+05:30

Am I a Flower -Bhupen Khakar

*takes deep breath, ponders, smiles, rolls eyes at ones own silly ways then begins to post*
last night was one of the better dates. decided to call in food and watch something on the dvd. me being me, got a little worked up about having someone over. rarely does osmeone come over. and a date? um, ok. very, very rare. so i ventured out, local florist. flowers for cookie jar, flowers for bowl, flowers fot milk bottle in my bedroom, flowers for kitchen. hehe. yes, i do get carried away. cleaned the work table.wnet and bought some nice rose'. reccomended by evistagio. grover rose'. rather nice. hommus, pita bread, fattoush salad, penne, date and walnut cake laced with cherry brandy lacquer. sex and the city. season 6. part two. 4 shows. awesome. am so happy. its scary. something has to go wrong. for a change have taken a very conscious decision. no putting the other person on a pedestal. not too think i am not good enough and why would someone like that fall for me. time to not mess things up. a little self-worth may help.

so anyways. enough soul searching. my blog is not for that. its more food and drinks and books and nice things.

was about to delete the last few sentences. i know 'the date' will read this. but its fine. cant let that change anything. shouldnt affect what i blog. oh, and i must keep telling myslef all the time...i am good, i am good, bloody good. its not like you are god's gift ot mankindo r anything. though you are bloody good *rolls eyes, is going all bonkers, giggles, rolls eyes once more*. OMG! aristera, behave! you are not a teenager. havent been one for some time. so please! *stammers, stutters, doesnt know what to say, cant help but behave like this*

so the exam is on sunday. god know when i will study. but htis paper is kind of chill. i think. lets see. packed weekend. tomorrow meeting a friends mommy for some work, then material sourcing and billnigs (how i hate billings!) and then study some, please? might step out for a coffee or drink in the evening. but just for a wee bit. and that too might. not sure. lets see. sunday is real packed. morning stupid exam in godforsaken kalina. then might do lunch. then some friends thingy for something. then will go for this thingy which seems like a lot of fun. kinda date, i think. i hope.

got home after 11 hours of work and a coffee date. the godawful trains, how i hate them. cuffee parade is a strange place. can never think of it as a residential area. awful to live there. really awful. anyways. came home to a messy house. maid locked herself out of the house while discarding garbage and left her set of keys inside. so i came home at 9pm to do dishes of the fabulous meal from last night. wine glasses to bowls to plate, the works. nonsense. nonsense. nonsense. i hate doing dishes. i do. i do.

tired as hell now. but thats ok. want to #$%^*

*smiles for no reason whatsoever* this post is so going to freak out 'the date'. please dont read it! please. am not a freak. i swear. i do. *sighs*

current colour: terracotta

jaane kitney dino ke baad, gali mein aaj...

2006-04-19T23:35:00.000+05:30

nothings better than a full long day of productive work, that ends in a GOOD date. after the longest time. strangely, i know my date is going to be reading it, but have decided that like always, one shall presume that there is no reader involved. its not like the rasa theory which is viewer centric. anyways. so i got lotsa work done yesterday. rushed home and rushed out. drinks. theres something about sitting by the sea and sipping beer. and with my history and affinity for both, it could only have been good. the company was great. some chilled out conversation. some nonsense, which i think is good. i was completely at ease. after so long. damn. i keep saying 'after so long'. but its true. the last good date was some time ago. anyways. am happy. really happy. yay! a long walk on the promenade. holding hands. PDA. so not me. but i didnt care. i was happy. really happy. sublime. the breeze. the palms. just right. no, am not gushing. well. some awesome sorbet. am hooked. strawberry sorbet. why didnt anyone tell me about this before? nonsense only people are.

today was early morning rushing to town. lotsa work. great lunch at friends place. drooled over the art collection. 9 souzas. 2 bhupens, 1 jogen one collaboratie rarity, a shergil and loads more. *sigh* someday. a fabulous zarina hashmi. am considering getting one. lets see. but great company. G and his mommy. very good hosts. some nice roast mutton with mint sauce, some good mushrooms, bell peppers and broccolli glazed, some beans. me took some nice blueberry cheesecake from theobroma. oh, the mid-afternoon breezer felt good. hehe. *satiated grin* got lotsa work done. but wound up early. nice. will make up for it tomorrow. no problem. sorting work out is helping. am not irked or tensed about things. yay!

strong urge to paint. i think i will, once the exam is over and done with. a large work. planning. will gift it to someone. lets see. need to think some on this. weekend should be fun, if it comes. saturday will be studying all day, meeting someone for their work, bharti kher's show in the evening, an early night. sunday will be early morning. go to the university in godforsaken kalina...write the damn paper. and then yay! time...

so my posts are getting longer. i noticed it too. its being mentioned by people now. ok. well, have been in a rather pro-people mood these days. perhaps that is why. oh, i need to call it a night now. tomorrow should get an early start, before the silly phone calls start bothering me. lets see. want to try and get the dvd of sex and the city and watch some. dont know if i will be able to. generally, by the time i get back, am so dead tired that i can hardly do anything but get outa my clothes, and crash. nt good. well.

current colour: burnt red

sapne pe paav padd gaya tha...

2006-04-18T09:01:00.000+05:30

so someone told me last night that my blog is TOOO RANDOM. ahem. too many thoughts. i change the topic of discussion even within the same sentence many times over. i went back to the last few posts. yes. i do that. but then i even talk like that. i suddenly hang up the phone, mid-sentence, i go "go away, i need to work/sleep now". too random. c'est moi. but i thought i must structure the thoughts. but today, i dont think i should. i like the de-structured thoughts. they are more tactile, if you know what i mean. more humane. doesnt matter.

date tonite. drinks. should be fun.

been hooked to Sex and the City. it cheers me up, like nobody's bussiness. just kills me. started liking Samantha and Carrie. was a die hard Maranda fan. not anymore. one line in an episode from season 6... Samantha (S) and this Random Fuck (RF)...

RF: you are harsh

S: yes, i am harsh. i am also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient and always right. in bed, in the office and everywhere else. and thats just a little bit about me!

hehe. need to watch more of it. i want to buy me the entire set of 6 seasons. but must cost a bomb. lets leave it for times when i am very low. hehe.

so yesterday was a great day. disgusting house guests left fora month. they will be back only for a day to pick up their stuff. YAY! WOOOHOOO! *does a little jig* so i am a free man again. it had been weighing me down like i never knew it was. feels so light now. wow. and am organising work a little. so i like that. still too much to handle, but its ok. planned my holiday a little more concretely now. am thrilled to bits.

exam on sunday was good. i will clear it. the question on stupa narratives was there. i liked that. had a great lunch with friends. Basillico. nice nice food, great ambience and superb service. am gonna go back soon. followed by coffe at JATC, followed by window shopping at Benetton, Cotton World and Hidesign. mint tea at Prithvi. came home to watch 2 hours of Sex and the City. planned my "i am not into you" speech. felt liberated. the prospect of seeing this someone wighed me down. thats not how it is supposed to be, na?

yesterday was just anorther long work day. got done only at 10pm. *sigh*. today i do more of the same. and tomorrow is the same. nice. everyone around is going through the same grind.

this aamir khan at narmada? bit much. but then to each his own. this thing of tops falling off on the ramp? WHATEVAAA. this about the jail meals for salman making it to the front page? *throws up* and you ask me why i dont read the papers. blah.

time to go take a boat. hehe. could nt resist that one. off to the jetty, cap on, shades on. yay!

current colour: silver

kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir uski yaad

2006-04-16T21:49:00.000+05:30

that 'sex and mumbai' tagged me....so here goes...

1. What is the total number of books you've owned? about 500
.
2. What is the last book you bought? shyam sevadurai's 'swimming in the monsoon sea'
.
3. What is the last book you've read? 'When was Modernism' -Geeta Kapur
.
4. What are you currently reading? 'All You Who Sleep Tonight' - Vikram Seth
.
5. What are the 5 books that have meant a lot to you or that you particularly enjoyed?
Catcher in the Rye, Golden Gate, An Equal Music, Of Love and Other Demons, Unbearable Lightness of Being
.
6. What book(s) would you wish to buy next?
Jogen Chowdury- The Complete Works,
Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works
.
7. What book(s) caught your attention but you never had a chance to read?
cant think of anything offhand, but am sure there are loads
.
8. What book(s) that you've owned for so long but never read?
A Suitable Boy
.
9. Who are you going to pass this stick to and why?
geetanjali, she made me read...
.
.
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir uski yaad, chhoti chhoti see baat...

the ex. exes. the ex files.
opened them tonite.
love lost.
hehe. thought i must put it down. nostalgia. selective memories. what i learnt. the hard way? perhaps. not sure. so anyways...
.
1. this was long long ago. PB. this bong thing. 9th standard. classes. snoozing on the beach. it was more testosterone driven than anything else. ofcourse back then i thought it was love. my friends hated PB. thought i deserved better. till date they remind me of PB and i still go read in the face. i mean what was i thinking?
Life: 12 months. Recovery: overnight.
REPEAT CHANCES : 0%
.
2. EN. this iranian dish. 10th standard. tutions. it was more of arm candy. the trophy. but so low on the grey cells, it wasn't funny.
Life: 3 months. Recovery: 6 months
REPEAT CHANCES : 0.5%
.
3. AD. in college. 1st year. crazy crush. acted in the play i directed. still a friend or sorts. later was seeing my closest friend and roomie. hahaha.
Life: 12 months. Recovery : overnight
REPEAT CHANCES : 1%
.
4. AS. 2nd year. love? yes. numerous coffees, drives, walks, conversations.
Life : 36 months (on and off). Recovery: still recovering in some ways
REPEAT CHANCES : 100% + *sighs*
.
5. MT. sometime mid of break up with no.4. lust. lots. turned into a long distance thingy. fizzled out. and i still wasnt over no.4
Life: 8 months. Recovery: overnight
REPEAT CHANCES: 2%
.
6. AT. when i moved back to bombay. was impressed. was flattered by the interest in me. esoteric. artsy. intelligent (or so it seemed). thought i wasnt good enough (ya rrright...look where you are now baby). am still bitter. will always be. disgusting behavior. slimy. arrogant bitch.
Life: 4 months. Recovery: 6 months
REPEAT CHANCES: Negative
.
Its been 11 years now. 6 down. god knows how many more to go. lerant a lot from some of them. regrets? none. even some good came outof the worst of the lot. heart break and pain, oh loads. but c'est la vie. its all a part and parcel, na? dating these days. on and off. petrified everytime anyone gets serious. i know its bad. but i cnt help it. need more time. need more space than i ever did, before. am more sure now than ever of what i dont want.
what am i looking for in that person? has to be simple. very essential. more intelligent than i am. self made and successful or atleast working towards it. similar lifestyle (to put it politically correctly). a sense of humour would help. looks dont matter much. pleasant is the benchmark. aesthetic sensitivity.

khamosh sa afsana, pani se likha hoga, na tumne suna hoga...

2006-04-15T23:33:00.000+05:30

So the exam is tomorrow. So I am not prepared. So?
Haven’t had the time to study at all. God alone knows what I will write. Stupppid. Hehe. Fun. Gone mad. The weekend. Yesterday was a cray work day that began at 6am. Yes. 6am. I hate the hour. A photoshoot. Yay! Am becoming famous. Hehe. No no. its to esoteric to be seen by anyone. Then rushed to a meeting. Then rushed to another meeting. Walked out of this one at 7pm. Had to meet friends for coffee at prithvi. The last bastion of sanity in the suburbs of Bombay. I cant stand mocha and other cheesy places. Too many kids. Too much papa’s money to dispose. Ughs. Some food and some chai, some irish coffee. Got home. Picked up a cake and went over to a friends for dinner. And then…
Got home at 2am. Worn out and happy. Today was a useless meeting in the morning followed by some serious retail therapy. Much needed. Much too damaging to the pocket. 2 pairs of jeans. Dark blue levi’s and darker blue levi’s. how can denims not be blue? I abhor the fakely faded jeans. Ughs. And then went to reebok. Nike. Lee cooper. Finally settled for a basic pair of floaters from nike. Some frankies on linking road. Came home satisfied. Dozed off. Woke up to the fact that there indeed is an exam tomorrow. Done with 2 subjects of three. Struggling with the third. Not much reference material. Urbanity and its concepts. *sigh*
Will spend Saturday evening studying. Scanning images to refer to in the exam. Printing them…*sigh* . might step out for a coffee at the local coffee shop. A place I have started frequenting only recently. The mujhe-actor-banna-hai crowd is repulsive. Ughs.
.
Prandial Plaint
.
My love, I love your breasts. I love your nose.
I love your accent and I love your toes.
I am your slave. One word, and I obey.
But please don’t slurp your coffee in that way.
.
-Vikram Seth
.
Current colour: washed out beige

thoda sa badal, thoda sa pani, aur ek kahani

2006-04-13T10:21:00.000+05:30

Even Elliot feels April is the cruelest month.
The heat gets to me. Last year I was nicely tucked away into a nice air-conditioned office all day. A 10 to 9 job. Well. This April I run all over the city. I gotme a cap. So you can barely recognize me on the streets with me in my large shades and this cap. Beat the heat. Or whatever. Nonsense I blog. I swear.
Am all fine now. No fever no nothing. Back to work in full swing. so it feels good. But I still don’t think I am all fit to do the across the city meeting followed by back and forth. Don’t have the strength. So I plan only one thing. Yadayadayada. God alone knows why I am blogging about this…
So I went out of town for a day. By the way, Hiranandani Gardens at Powai look as GODAWFUL from the skies as it does from an ant’s eye view. So, that’s that. Mad frustrating day of work. On my feet from 6 am to 2 am. 2 hours of flight delay and an hour of hovering over the Arabian ocean. Went bonkers. Totally. *sigh*
Got lots of work done though. Met an old college friend over lunch. Was good. Studied a bit on the way back. About 2 hours. Am so not prepared for the exams on Sunday, its not funny. But I think I will cram up as much as I can on Saturday. Today is going to be a long long day. Madh island and all… tomorrow is going to be longer. Am excited about something. The narcissist in me is going to be humoured. Wooohoo!
Flirting outrageously with an acquaintance-friend. Its great fun. Lotsa undercurrents. But am not looking at anything serious. Just some good ol harmless fun. God knows I need it. *wicked chuckle*
Miss my aunt. She has been away for almost two weeks now. Coming back from a holiday tonite. Hope she gets me some nice presents. She better! Else she is asked to go back. Last week of this month, am going to take two full days off and just chill. Indulge. Do nothing. A is also away. On another stupid business trip. Has been given a list of thingy to get back. Hehe. Fun hua.
Time to go for a shower. Time to head out to face the tropical world. Damn the heat. Is it not hotter than all these years? Does anybody’s father stand by their dining table while they eat? Refuses to sit down. And keeps talking above their heads? *yells in despair*
Why cant it rain. I cant wait anymore. Its so beautiful when it does, and work will also be less then. I think. I want to sit by the window and just look at the trees all wet… aur ek kahani…

current colour: eggshell white

current mood: melancholic

current music: Libaas

hairaan hoon main...

2006-04-11T21:03:00.000+05:30

it got to me finally. broke down. completely. its been sometime. too much pent up frustration. and the worst part was there was no one to talk to. ofcourse there were people. but there isnt anyone who i could call and not feel like i was bothering them. not one person. either they are busy, have problems of thier own, or i just cant make myself open up. i really dont know. felt lonely like i never have. just the fact that there was nobody. friends read this. then they ask what happened. i dont like that. the blog is not a means to tell friends what i live. its just a big mess. am doing sometihng terribly wrong. dont know what. dont know how i manage to do nothing right. its just a fucked up mess. life. big time.

current colour: black

tere daaman mein...sar jhuka ke hum...

2006-04-11T00:51:00.000+05:30

so i went to five very popular blogs. saw why they were so popular. they were written intentionally with readers in mind. a calculated and strategic writing oriented towars maximum readership. TRP. to each his own, i guess. i asked myself if i could write like that. no. i just couldnt. i am also one of the very few people in today's world who has no aspirations to ever write a book. everyone i know wants to write a book.

i think aristerasays is just for me. there are times when i know what i write may offend some. but then i cant not be myself. so its ok. if it bothers them, they mustnt read it. the other day, over some brownies and irish coffee with a friend we suddenly discussed blogs, at length. he asked me if i had reviewed a particular play, ages ago. well, i had. and how some people had chanced upon my blog on google with reference to that play. i was a little puzzled about the exercise.

me been much better all day today. was a little woozy in the morning. but much better for the rest of the day. mad mad work day that got over only at 11pm. *breathes sigh of relief*

M asked me the other day about all my friends and what they do. well. esoteric lot, them. film makers, journos, architects, critics, social-workers, corporate honchos, admen, linguists, teachers, biochemists, designers, yadayadayada. hmmm. and then there is me. i like to pigeon hole and judge. so?

at that point with someone where one needs to take a stand. i think it will go the same way. i need to keep a ready disclaimer "i really like you. you are very sweet. *cautious pause, deep breath* but... i dont think this is going anywhere. i mean, theres nothing wrong with you. its just that i am not ready yet. yadayadayada" *sigh of relief*

its just that i am looking for something quixotic. utopia. but i cant settle for anything less. i really cant. its like, if you have tasted blood once....

there are too many mediocre things in life. love shouldnt be one of them.

its one of those phases, again. the problem is my yardstick. i need to toss it out of the window. but i cant.

so tomorrow is one of those days where a thousand errands need to be run. bills to be paid. room to be cleaned. drawings to be made. study. exam in 6 days *shiver runs down spine*

an unwanted complication in life occured. its so ekta kapur esque, its not funny. i just died. died. just what i needed in the middle of all the mad work load, the sickness and the stress on the parental front. god's sense of humour? *rolls eyes*

long ago i made a tryst with destiny. and now the time has come, when i shall sue the bitch. for breaking the agreement and screwing up my life so. *laughs like a maniac*

its late. and i am sleepy. way past my bedtime. my friend mentioned the other day about the titles of my post. how they have little or nothing at all to do with the post itself. it always has something to do with the post. not explicitly, but the subtext. i love to pick up these titles. the good old college days. so much of these gulzaar songs, so much of pink floyd, so much of bob dylan and duran duran. so much to look forward to. *looks back with a sad sad heart*

i think its time for some hardcore retail therapy. muahahaha.

current colour: burnt pink

ab toh hai tumese har khushi apni

2006-04-09T20:45:00.000+05:30

yesterday was my last class. yay! one year of it was good. but was tired of sacrificing all my saturdays. all. i saw my attendance. 4 absences in the entire year. of which 2 i was travelling. one saturday was a miserable hang over and one saturday i was plain bored to go. hehe. not bad. the class was on PostModernism. had immense fun. my absolute area of interest. i remember niraj, in college, calling me PoMo (i was obssesed with all PostModern theories, with derrida being my best friend). hehe. i was also called FabIndia (i had every kurta in every colour they had. my daily attire was a plain solid coloured kurta, cream chudidaar and my bag) and chaddu (for my penchant to change into shorts at the onset of summer and i wore em to college too!). Abhay Sardesai's lecture. a treat. did not agree with his take on Gehry at all. and did not understand the hungama about that T.S.Elliot. but them poerty is not me.

ham and cheese sanwiches, sev puri and pot tea at the yatch club. with the journo/collector and the academician architect. good fun. rush to Bodhi.

dodhiya at boadhi. the father of all contemporary artists meets the grandmother of all galleries. the show was 'not-bad'. dodhiya? i think the rooted, vernacular idiom, the self-deperecatory remarks, the impromtu inspirations were a bit of a put-on. i could be wrong. i dont know. but the gallery is beautiful. hats off to rahul mehrotra. neat shell. the first floor looks like a ship. its where the erstwhile TGIF kalaghoda used to be.

drinks with M at zenzi. she rocks. and how. an awesome woman. this is how people ought to be. the lust for life. the humility. the arrogance. some two hours of beer guzzling and staggering out to a chinee place on carters. cant even recall the name. some wok. nothing to shout about.

meeting a bunch of friends at a party. mad party. hot as hell. the AC not working. but the energy levels were high. spirits were high too. good fun. some more beer. was still rather sober though. not bad. then rushed out. was up for a good 5 hours after that. !#$%^* my brains off.

woke up burnig with fever. irksome. i hate it. why me! slept off the entire morning. went to a waste of a meeting. burning with fever. but couldnt have postponed it. *sigh*. cam hom and slept some more. woke up to call for some pasta. to blog. *bows*

a little contemplative about my single status. been nipping too many prospective relationships at the bud. a few dates and then i start freaking out. dont know why. cant find anything wrong with any of them. but still. need to change this attitude. been single for a year now. need to change this. need to share so much. need someone per se. par Godot hai kahan?

current colour: indigo

huzur iss kadar bhi...

2006-04-04T18:15:00.000+05:30

Been pumping myself up with em anti-biotics and all sorts of herb concoctions. Sacred basil and mint leves in hot water. Turmeric and huney in hot water. Salt water gargles. Steam inhalations. Vitamins. Fruits. Teas. *sigh* still running a mild fever. Irritated. Worked like mad for 11 hours on my feet yesterday. I know I know. But I cant help it. Am going to sleep it off today. Yesterday I played superhero. Am paying the price today. *sigh*. But all’s well. Work going on smoothly. Have the irksome task of making a resume (yes, I actually went for an interview without a resume or anything but my attitude) *blushes*. But that’s me. It wasn’t so much for the effect as much as for the laziness that I feel when I have to make a resume. One of those small tasks which I find B-O-R-I-N-G.
Am like a zombie for the past three days. A little slow in comprehending. A little slow in speech. Drowsy as hell. Its like being a wee bit drunk/ high. Buzzed? *chuckles* but I need to get over this soon. High time. Cant go on sipping em hot concoctions forever, can i? have been studying a bit. Sunday was a good 8 hours of studying. Today I intend to finish sme more. Decided that Islamic aesthetics are easier to deal with as opposed to jain or Buddhist or hindu (the most painful and complex) as it has no / hardly any hangover from other ideologies. Its rather simple. Relatively less faceted and easy to finish of for the exams. Hehe.
Will sit home and wrk on the laptop. Make calls and co-ordinate things. Thinki should keep one day a week for just this. Organizes life and gives me a break from running across the city like a madman. *ponders*
Bought some cd’s. been listening to them for the last two days. Feel nostalgic. The music we played in my apartment at college. Miss my roomies. Have grown a little distant from them. Nothing that cant be re-bonded when we meet next. But I have changed a lot, a lot, a lot in the past 1.5 years. *sips concoction and ponders and sighs* too much has happened. Changes. The way I look at myself has changed tremendously. The frieds I hang out with. The things I do. C’est la vie.
Current colour: olive green

dont get me wrong, i think you're alreite, but...

2006-04-02T13:35:00.000+05:30

sunday morning. a saturday spent in bed (oh, not like that...just nursing the damn fever). much better now. lotsa tohughts. lotsa studying to do today. i promise i will. i know i will.

two interesting blog related events (if i may call them that, for want of a better term). a friend msgd from bangalore to ask if i was feeling better. it was strange that he knew i was unwell. first thought- oh common friends must have to him. but he said that he got to know from the blog. strange. sweet. confusing, is it ok that friends know what is happening in my life/ to my life through my blog? i dont know. i guess its ok. changing times. he also asked why i blog. "was reading your blog...funny how i can know whats happening in your life...a peek at it. is blogging a release? means to express? a means to be heard? a hobby? or a record for one's days gone by? ..." perhaps. a release it is. it helps me clear my thoughts. a means to be heard? no. definitely not. i have enough friends i can call and rant. a hobby? perhaps. neo-hobby. a record? i would have said no. but have been going to my archives and it makes a good read. i like to then remember those days. its immense fun. it can make me go red in the face too. but thats fine.

and event 2 made me angry. then i got over it. wasnt worth bothering myself with. someone makes tangential caustic remarks about my blog. "Am not one of those who talk on the blog about where they've gone or what they've eaten - well, actually, I used to, but not anymore - so it all seems very silly now. Am not one of those beautifully feathered beings,...". *sigh* and some other posts. a blog i went to on a whim after ages, and this is what i find. fine. what makes me sad is very very very few people understand the concept of space. i dont know about others, but i need a lot of space. i cant have anyone cling to me. however close we may be. sometimes i need to just be. i abhor being asked where i am, who was it on the phone, with whom am i... and i dont like telling my friends to understand this. it irks the hell out of me. 'why dont you tell me anything?' arrey, because there is no need to. just because you tell me everything, it doesnt mean i like you any lesser if i dont tell you everything about my life. get a life. if you dont understand me, its not my problem. its a philosophy i stick to about everything that is me. people who understand me will (and are) accept me for what i am. the other? figure it out for yourself. this new phase to keep distance from some people (while strengthening some bonds) is not a rudeness-spree i am on. its just taking stock. its like emotional accounts, year ending and all.

been on anti-biotics, a little groggy. been resting a lot. eating a lot. might want to step out for a bit at night. i think i will. hopefully i will be feeling better. now to put on the thinking cap (red with a white swoosh) and down to study. here's a sample.

'the indian nationalistic movement gave an impetus to re-state the traditional aesthetic concepts. explain this with reference to tagore and aurobindo'

*sigh, sigh, sigh*

current colour: wine

yeh kya jageh hai...

2006-04-01T11:03:00.000+05:30

running a slight fever. throat infection. last night was some good drinks at Zenzi. eclectic crowd, ajeeb music. but had a good time. was feeling a bit sick by the end of it though. woke up this morning to realise that i am dying. it was a good life, well spent. hehe. last two days have been

H-E-C-T-I-C, to put it very mildly. back-to-back meetings. going to be the same on monday. today's schedule's have obviously gone for a toss. still managed one meeting. the other one (the more important one) i had to cancel. was sapped of all energy. damn. needed to get it done with today.

want to go see Transamerica. even though i have the dvd, decided to see it on the big screen. my house guests are leaving in two weeks. sad that there wont be any little kid to play with in the house. but also glad that i will get my oh-so-important-to-me space. *chuckles* the solitude and the quiet i miss a lot. getting used to it.

sex is overrated. na? dont bother answering it.

i think i shall try and make the most of my ill-health and study atleast one chapter today. am so not prepared for my exams. *shiver runs down spine* monday meeting will finalise the new offer. should work out. lets see. will not carry a resume. too painful to make one. i hate it.

why do people read my blog? i have no clue.

once my house guests go, i want to start painting. its been ages. months. want to throw a party too. need to go for a south indian thali lunch. M has promised to buy me lunch, a sort of guru dakshina. hehe.

the final juries went alright. not as great as they should/could have, but not bad. the students were happy, i think. want to beleive that my inputs were of some use to them, and that they has improved over the semester. have put in my papers (verbally). time to move on. a year was good. i learnt a lot too. but timeto move on.

tired already. want to recover fast. what a waste of a weekend. damn. damn. had to do so much. firend from delhi is back. had plans for dinner. thought would catch up with the 'gang'. wanted to go for a salsa thingy on sunday evening. will still try and make it. need to pump myself up with em medicines. na?

current colour: indigo.

yeh manzilein hain kaunsee, na tum samajh sakay...

2006-03-30T23:27:00.000+05:30

casanova. a nice film. fluff at its best. some witty dialogues. decadent venitian life at its best. the theatrics. the drama. the naivete. heard the word 'debauchery' after ages. killed me. and am going to call people 'simpletons' from now on *gleeful chuckle*. been a good day. days are good these days. missed my swim, though. hopefully tomorrow i should be able to, even though its a mad mad mad day. final juries. at last. cant wait to get em outa the way. i hate casablanca. tomorrow i have a power lunch. sounds funny even to my own ears. so not me. will probably be too absorbed in the food to bother with work. hehe.

didnt know more people read my blog. apparently a lot of them do. made me wonder why. is it a voyeur in them? it is like a soap? or what? have no clue. atleast other blogs talk of random subjects. i stick to what i eat, where i go or what i dont eat.

have promised myself to start studying full fledged from april 1. i better. though i dont know where to start. also, have abruptly cut off some people fom my life. some intentionally, some not intentionally. have become immensely intolerant. but i cant help it. dont have the energy to make things work if they dont. even a close friend, who probably read my blog. some not so close friends. can think of atleast 5 people i have almost cut off completely.

making some new friends. mostly from the field. but its great fun. sensible intelligent people. some not from the field. moving on, in some ways. but some old friends i jut need. have grown rather close to/ gotten used to/ need A,A,B,G at a primary level. some other close friends who come close to the next level.

the more i think, the more i am convinced that you fall in love but once. should not think too much. am being a big hypocrite these days. i am getting freaked out by the behaviour of a certain someone who is behaving exactly as i would in the same situation. not done, not done.

some comprmises one doesnt make. at all.

nostalgic about college. about sunder. the painfully simple times below a jamun tree. hours spent hating every architect's work in the world. details. the works. we could actually sit for 6 hours and yap. *sigh*

current colour : eggshell white

thats me in the corner

2006-03-29T16:35:00.001+05:30

wondering if a print (of an original work of art) is more slick, more saturated and colour 'corrected' and refined, then why is it not equated (let alone preffered) to the original. the prints of ravi verma's works look much more appealing than the originals. i recall the visit to the baroda palace (it houses one of the largest collections of his work) to see 'the' raja ravi verma's and was a little disappointed. the prints are richer, for sure. with the art market booming, a new phenomenon is also coming in vogue. the print market, i feel, is about to errupt anytime now.

early to bed and all works well for me. have been almost successful with my healthy food spree. hope it lasts. been swimming religiously. increased it by a lap. *yay* and feel good about it. though it does tire me a bit. but its good. havent been reading at all. but thats ok. need to start studying now. exams fast approaching .*yawns* went shopping yesterday and today (relax readers, am not depressed, just felt like) *chuckles*

havent been to the shack in a long time. want to. lets see. maybe this week. with M. or would like to go to a nice bar with her. dying to go to Zenzi. havent gone anywhere in sometime.

had to kill some hours yesterday in the afternoon and a friend was closeby. it was a good oppurtunity to catch up. had a great lunch at the tea centre. love the place. nice fish in white wine sauce and rice with a side order of salad and fries (only 4 wedges, readers!) and a tall glass of iced tea. mango cheese cake (so i swim na!) *gets irritated*

K called and offereda nice teaching position. very prestigious. am thrilled beyond words. need to fix things on monday. *yay*

want to take a short break, even two days is good. do nothing. just laze around. maybe the next weekend. either the commune in poona or alibaug. dont know. or matheran? nobody seems to want to come with me though. *sigh*

kisi nazar ko tera ...

2006-03-27T10:32:00.000+05:30

a lazy lazy sunday. woke up late. went out for a film. Being Cyrus. hate as i might that Saif Ali Khan, the film was very good. and if one considers the fact that its Homi Adajania's directorial debut, then its fabulous. slick, well paced and taut. noir and just the right humour. i found the narrative of the protagonist extremely real and identifiable. its almost the way i would speak. what didnt work for me was Saif's accent going terribly yuppie in english (considering his socio-economic background in the film, it was a tad unbelievable) and his bawa accent sucks big time. and some scenes where dimple tries too hard. Naseer is beyond criticism. subtle and contolled. Simone Singh is rather good too. Boman is kind of ok. am not to fond of him to be unbiased. the dream sequence was some forced surrealism (my friend's's words, not mine) but it didnt bother me one bit. some fine dialogues. and all in all a NICE film.

a rather uneventful monday lined up. none of the meetings i planned to fix worked out so am essentially going to sit on the laptop and fool myself that i am doing some work. hehe.

ek raah toh woh hogi, tum tak jo pahuchtee hai...

2006-03-26T10:47:00.000+05:30

so its time to reinvent (no no, not a makeover or a wardrobe revamp!). but to re-think things. to take on newer challenges. if things are too much under-control, i need to redefine the challenges or take on newer challenges. setting new targets and goals. a change in the set-up. a complete over-haul (dont know if thats the right word, but am sure my literary snob readers will do the needful to correct me at the drop of a hat).

lots of angst. lots of sadness. somethings i can attribute it to, some i cant. the ones i can, i can deal with. its the others that bother me. in a room full of people i feel lost. two friends asked me yesterday (while partying away to glory in a club overfilled with about 500 people) why i looked so lost. i just smiled. i didnt know i was so easy to read. but i didnt want to pretend to be interested, because i wasnt. life is too short to do things you dont enjoy. met so many people i didnt know what to say to. old flames. so many in one room. fuck buddies? or fuck you buddies.

drifting away from a friend. someone who is sweet, but somehow i cant relate to much. and rather than get irritated and snap, i just keep my distance. dont know if its a good idea. but thats my way of dealing with it.

making some new friends. want to do something refreshing. dont want to vegetate away. have accepted my limitations and kno i am not particularly intelligent, but want to make the most of everything in my own capacity. am starting today. but have already taken baby steps towards it. started swimming. eat healthy (no, i dont starve, eat a wee bit less than the over-indulgent me does and allow myself only small treats once in a while). the hedonism needs to take a back-seat. i see it happening with most of my friends. this indulgence is too decadent. the small joys are lost. if you can call and order in desserts all the time, it takes away from the joy of havng the ritual token pastry every sunday.

how many times do you fall in love in one lifetime? once? i dont know. i hope its more than once. coz i have crossed my mark 1. the others were not of much essence. they were relationships one learns from, grows with and out of. but love? one down.

going to spend some time and take on a research project that i had put at the back of my mind. it made me sad that i had to think hard yesterday to identify if i had a larger goal in life. and i was shocked. i did, but had forgotten all about it for hte longest time. when i remembered it, it made me feel so much better. someday. many years from now. and it will be the best, ever. it has to.

had a very interesting lecture on 'MODERNISM'. Abhay Sardesai. the editor of Art India. a different perspective on Modernity. it is one of my favorite areas. to question what is truly modern. a very interesting observation ...this sanitary napkin advertisement some years ago shows a mother packing the trousseau for her daughter. very serious deadpan expression on her face as she tucks in some sanitary pads into the suitcase. looks at her daughter and says with immense pride 'unhe bhi toh pata chaley...hum bhi kitney modern hai'. i mean, OH-MY-GOD. like what? huh? some benchmark for modernity, i say.

want to go buy the audio cds of Ijaazat and Aandhi. i keep singing mera kuch saamaan all day long. want to go catch a few films this week. might go for one today... i need to get hooked up. this being single business is soooo getting to me.

khaali haath shaam aayee hai...

2006-03-24T17:11:00.000+05:30

what if i am not clever? what if i dont look good? what if i am not a nice person? what if i hate people i am supposed to love? what if i am mean? what if i am rude? what if i cant spell? what if i wish bad things should happen to some people? what if i am ruthless? what if i can not do anything right?

i think i should give up trying so hard.

tumse milna purani dilli mein...

2006-03-22T09:12:00.000+05:30

Kisi ka kya jo kadamo par
Jabene par bandagee rakh dee
Humari cheez thi
Humne jahan jaane wahan rakh dee

Jo dil manga to
Woh bole,
Ki Thehro yaad karne do
Zara see cheez thi
Khuda jaane humne kahan rakh dee

Marney ke baad bhi
Aankhen khulee raheen
Aadat padee thi
Inhey intezaar ki

Been sleeping early for the past three weeks. Consistently. Waking up kind of early too. Working, reading, eating, walking. Feel good in a way. Feel old too. No clubs, no bars. Eating out a little less too. Is it a phase? Am at peace with myself because am at a point where I am most comfortable being me. The earlier angst of trying to be as expected is no longer there. There is a comforting surety about myself. In every which way. Am becoming a minimalist in some ways (wooohooo…scary) which was hitherto considered way-out-of-question. Might take on a new project which will be a departure from all my previous work. And have decided to make the process fun too. Will have to take a boat to work. Am kicked as hell about it. Sometimes I do act like a little kid. But then am not that old also na? fickle minded me. Futile ambitions are gaining less importance. Some things which are not under ones control are best left alone. It is only wise to not let oneself be affected by them. Am learning. Someone who used to be a friend returned a book which was borrowed and some thing which was gifted. *sigh* but I let it be at that. Didn’t have the energy or inclination to ask questions. Best left alone. Somethings are not meant to be. Another semi-friend has come back to Bombay from thbe city where this above-mentioned ‘use-to-be-a-friend’ is going. The capital. Dilli. A city I love. Please don’t die of a heart attack. I am probably the only Bombayite who loves Dilli. I mean, its not Bombay and can never be, but some bits of delhi are so so beautiful. The hauz khas village which could have been home (but that was another lifetime). A little barsati/ studio overlooking the ruins. The NSD and the purana kila and the crafts museum, chanakya, and shapurjat. *sighs*

aadhay geelay aadhe sukhay...

2006-03-21T07:53:00.000+05:30

sometimes when you are smiling and there is a bounce in your step, life comes up to you and give you a tight, very tight slap in the face. it hurts. that is exactly what happened yesterday. i learnt anorther lesson. and am trying to not let it affect me. even though it shook me up real bad initially. am sitting here on my desk, early in the morning, looking at the people walk in the park, the mangroves and the beautiful painting on my desk titled ' Apologies Should be made in First Person'.

started reading 'Swimming in the Monsoon Sea'. i feel that way right now. sri lanka of the monsoon sea and the monsoon skies and a monsoon dream. *slap*

aaj kal paav zameen par

2006-03-19T16:06:00.000+05:30

early to bed on a saturday night. 10pm. early to rise (early for a sunday). was up at 8am. 10 longs hours of sleep. had a smile on my face. rested. what a bright sunny day! i exclaimed as i drew the curtains and looked at the regulars in the park. walking, exercising and laughing. i called a friend up at 10am who had just woken up. andi yelled into my celfone what a bright sunny day! he wasnt amused. *chuckles with delight*

some coffee accompanied by reading the tabloids while abida sang away the morning. on am impulse i put my jeans on (white i still had my crumpled night tee on) and went to a bookstore. bought me two books i meant to read. one of them being Selvadurai's latest 'Swimming in the Monsoon Sea'. i was in sri lanka last monsoon. fond memories. *sigh*

had a healthy breakfast of brown bread sandwich and veggies (sans mayo or butter) and a glass full of fresh carrot juice and sneaked in a fig too. *sly grin*

went to meet my granny. chatted for a bit and came home to shower. had a controlled lunch of 3 parathas (cant eat less than that now, please!) and some veggies. sneaked in a little steamed rice (its sunday after all) and butter-milk with mint and cucumber chunks (its summer after all) and one little pyramidal piece of toblerone (i am human after all). read the nouvella Brokeback Mountain and napped. now out to high tea at prithvi's with two literary snobs. i think i just shut up and think things while they talk books. *rolls eyes*

then for an early early dinner with someone *smiles beatifically* at this small little shack near the sea while serves the meanest pizza and good lasagne. then come home and study a little? may be. *wicked grin* need to finish the nouvella. need to sit with my accounts. year ending fast approaching. *sighs*

Cotton 56 polyester 84

2006-03-17T07:41:00.000+05:30

peaceful days. No, the work load is the same. But somehow am at peace with myself. Counting my blessings. Doing the things I like to do. Only with people I want to do them with. Had a nice mallu fish lunch with a friend with whom I hardly spend anytime with. hirava maach. dal. fried bangda, rotis. at night, a play at prithvi. with someone else (ambiguous on purpose) *chuckles*. Cotton 56 Polyester 84. Borrows heavily from the vernacular idiom. Song and dance idiom of the marathas. the play is crafted well and based on a theme i am very interested in. mill lands. well paced and noir. grabbed a bite post-dinner. close by. then walked in the by-lanes of juhu. late. have an early morning today. class and then back to back meeetings all day. tiring. but is there any other way? *smiles beatifically*. not cynical about anything. confused about some. but that is only 'normal'. becoming a bit of a homebody too. need to study. have been procrastinating it for a while. but work back log is now under control. the organising on holi helped. delegating work more sensibly helped. want to try and be in this peaceful, relaxed, semi-happy mood. serene. a pic i took on a holiday last year depicts my current mood.

titli aar weekend

2006-03-15T09:45:00.000+05:30

rituparno's earlier film, 'Titli'. ridiculously pot-boiler in concept and story-line. only thing that makes you watch is the mother-daughter duo played by Aparna Sen and Konkona. lots of regressive cinematography. the usual bong syndrome of ' when in doubt, trot Tagore out'... but it does have its moments. the bits where the daughter insinuates infidelity on her mother...and the mother hints that perhaps she (the daughter) is the reason she never forgot her first love. she didnt let her. putting up his posters, playing his songs and seeing his films all day long. the quesy situation where the mother and daughter have loved the same man without one of them knowing it. a lot of subtle nuances dealt with rather well. and ofcourse Aparna is a treat to watch.

a good weekened. this is how weekends should be. with people you want to be with. no work. eat out a lot. shop a lot. read a bit. watch films. think. trekked. all over pali hill *breathless*.

saw Brokeback Mountain on a dvd last night. it IS a film which grows on you. i like it, a lot.

holi. colours. it has to be gulal. only gulal. and lotsa food. nice pakoras and water and friends and bonhomie. cobalt and umber and ultramarine, aubergine, burgundy, sienna and wine. no. its positively a burnt pink. the colour of gulal. i love the word 'gulal'.

work backlog. dont know what to do with it. procrastinated long enough. maybe tonite.

need to go shop some. lots actually.

of bhadralok, melancholic whores and phool babu

2006-03-12T09:07:00.000+05:30

raja ravi verma and 'desantification'

it is fascinating to see where ravi verma generates his iconography. the imagery that has tricled down to the indian bourgeoise today. the models who posed for him for his religious paintings in the late 19th century were parsi theatre actresses (of little repute) and whores. so it really boils down to the fact that the religious icons painted by him are quintessentially that of whores. the shakutala series, the sita, etc. purists, go take a jump!

in her brilliant essays 'When was Modernism', Dr.Geeta Kapur propounds various theories which hint at a larger purpose to his work. the civilization project (not always a humanist manifesto) is worked on by ravi verma and is a prime example of the role of an 'aesthete' in the nationalist realm too. his depictions of ideal beauty, of idealic settings (albeit borrowed heavily from pastoral oils of european masters) and ethnographs - all play a very important role in the socio-political scheme of the late 19th century. truly modern.

my favorite new word: Bhadralok (for exampple: that is sooo bhodro. implies: so decadent, so affected, so up market, so snooty, so vain).

Brookback Mountain: poignant, mature, dark, heart wrenching, over-hyped

gender of a blog

2006-03-10T23:26:00.000+05:30

a strange thought occured to me the other day. do blogs have genders? is it as simple as - transfer the gender of the blogger to his/her blog? does a male blogger's blog also male? and a woman who blogs has a female blog? i wonder what the french consider a blog. since they assign gender (by some god-alone-knows logic) to inanimate things. so is it 'le blog' or 'la blog'. need them francophiles to the rescue.

Currently Sipping: freshly squeezed carrot juice (self imposed 'no-alcohol' spree)

Excited About: tomorrow

love in the time of bird flu

2006-03-09T08:39:00.000+05:30

a crazy crazy workday. couldnt even catch my breath. on my feet and on the move all over the city. but its the only way i like it. i crib and complain *beams angelically* but it still is the only way i like it. could never bring my self to admit it, but i am a worko-friggin-holic. woooooh! there! i finally said it out loud. feels so much better.

last meeting was a huge waste of time. luckily it was over dinner, so anyways it would have been time spent just chomping. clients insisted on feeding me. chole poori. i hate chole and detest poori. poori is the lowest form of food for me. deep fried flour? help!

was so dead after the meeting, i needed to unwind. called a friend and met up for some nice hot earl grey. the warden road barista is charming. unlike its other counterparts in the city. the old architectural context is retained. reminds me of that most beautiful barista on MG rd in bangalore. a walk down warden road. late night. tacky SoBo gujjus hogging on the roadside. oh, SoBo for the uninitiated is South Bombay. might do a post on gujjus one of these days. pointed out my old house to my friend. was reminescing how i went to benzer every single day and got me a toy. and then? then, i grew up.

stopped at haji ali, the beautiful beautiful dargah (shame on bombayites who havent been inside...years ago my granny took me and a cousin there and thereafter for a nice sizzler at kobes and then bought me nice colourpencils) for strawberrys and cream. S-I-N. oooooooooooooooo. can not get over it.

the weekend seems to hold a lot of promises. but then thats two days away. leaving for poona right now, long long tiring day ahead. sigh. such a long journey. will study on the way in the bus.

realising slowly that i am growig up. really growing up. really fast. think am not doing too bad. kind of in love, with myself. ah, the hedonist. *laughs histerically*

currently reading : Abert Camus, Short Stories

Vidya Dehijia, Indian Art

playing in my head : Iss mode pe aate hain , Aandhi.

tabula rasa

2006-03-07T21:35:00.000+05:30

too much too soon. a hectic trip pre-weekend. work completed. a crazy party which has left me embarrased and disgusted with myself. there is a thin line between accpetable and way-off. once again i cross. dealing with losses. to be there for a friend who needed me. i dont think i did a very good job. sometimes you dont know what to say. you cant tell someone "its ok, it will all be fine". sometimes its not ok. and you dont know what to say. all you do is be there for the person. i crashed the minute i took a shower and had my lunch. my body hurt. emotinally drained, physically drained.

need to get back into a routine. feel at odds. feel like painting. a train. anna karenina-esque. deep and melancholy. fine eye for details. hunger. need to paint more often. make a schedule.

will work tomorrow with a 'planned' approach. PERT charts et all. time to take control. literally and otherwise. things are strained with some people. it is sad. am also on a crazy 'cutting-down-number-of-friends' spree. cant handle the meaningless banter with so many people. it is taking a toll need some space too. i am trying hard to 'un-endumbment'. want to understand so much. cant waste time on people who dont matter. rather invest the time in something i enjoy, with people i want to be with.

going to the living room now, to watch a film. its hot here, in bombay. and its only the begining. i dont know what will happen next.

sigh!

2006-03-02T19:14:00.000+05:30

Finn: I did it! I did it! I am a wild success! I sold 'em all, all my paintings. You don't have to be embarrassed by me anymore, I'm rich! Isn't that what you wanted, aren't we happy now. Don't you understand, that everything I do, I do it for you. Anything, that might be special in me, is you.

aristera - reader of stupa narratives

2006-03-01T19:46:00.000+05:30

Writing while I eat a bowl of home made khaw souey (I cant even spell regular words, how do you even for a moment think I could spell this??). *rolls eyes*
Going for drinks to the shack. Long time I heard some good music. Indulgent month. Yesterday was dinner at lemon grass and pot pourri. Hehe. The former didn’t deliver the kinda food one wanted. So we moved onto pourri. It wasn’t a food night. But the film afterwards made up for it. ‘Crash’. Awesome. Layers. Questions everything. Contemporary America. What is stands for (if it stands for anything at all). Yes, I have double standards. I am a closeted socialist. Who enjoys the good life. Its bizarre. I don’t know. *chomps on more khaw souey and ponders*
So well. A friend is visiting over holi weekend. A excited. I was to visit geets (of the geebaby fame) next weekend. But it got cancelled. Indefinitely postponed. Am going out of town for 2 days on work. Taking a long holiday next month.
Work is going to get hectic soon. I can hear the thunder. *shudders*
Need more time. Have to see so many films this month. Memoirs of a Geisha (for the visuals , Capote (for the adaptation), Brokeback (for the senti quotient) and some others too.
Have been studying for exams in april. Going up the wall. Read out a typical question from the syllabus to some of my friends. They just laughed their heads off.

.
Discuss the idea of kingship as understood from the DharmaShastra literature and how it has shaped our ideas regarding the Home of God as a Palace and Cosmos.

Decided to tackle this one later. Started with a much easier option…
Explain the role of linear and synoptic Buddhist narratives at Amaravati and Sanchi.

.
A new friend (when he got to know what I was studying) called my a ‘reader of stupa narratives’. Sweet.

Currently Reading: Calvin and Hobbes
Listening to: Abida Parwin
Playing in my head: My Blue Suede Shoes (Elvis)

once again

2006-02-28T07:50:00.000+05:30

Once again
The rain
Seeps

Through my skin,
Sinks

Into my soul,
Changes

The texture of
My life

Deepti Naval

pride and prejudice

2006-02-26T21:40:00.000+05:30

so i turned 25. so what! i shall age gracefully.

had a good birthday.

loved my gifts.

some more to come!

here's the list i have so far:

1. dvd player

2. hidesign wallet

3. Lolita

4. B'fast at Tiffany's

5. Calvin and Hobbes

6. 2 beautiful fabindia mugs (of which i already broke one...symbolic or symbolic)

7. Feluda (Satyajit Rays short stories)

8. Infinite Riches

10. 3 books from the penguin special

11. 3 dvds (one hollywood, one mexican film and one spanish)

12. chocolates...after eight

12. some more to come my way.

dinner was fish and bloody mary's. c'est la vie. la vie.

saw pride and prejudice today. kiera knightly and matthew mcfaden. knightly adds anorther dimension to Elizabeth Bennet. Mcfadden takes time to warm upto. once you get the fact that he is indeed Darcy, he is a treat to watch. but the film is a must see for the Tudor architecture and Knightly. After the BBC version, i think this one also does it full justice. though the literary snob i went with, begs to differ.

i also love the title. Pride and Prejudice. my two big problems (amongst a plethora of others).

a friend wrote me a rather beautiful poem (pronounced 'pome' as in like dome or rome). here goes:

i know its really your birthday again,

one time.

all too human. and hopeful.

what is this fluidity you move through?

you are a pisces afterall.

always so many hungers.

and you walk on water for one night.

the beautiful margarita spinning.

your picasso stance.

how you liked winners and dispised losers.

25 on 25

2006-02-25T08:40:00.000+05:30

birthday. birthday. time flies and all that. while i munched on grapes and after eight chocolates, and watched an extremely aesthetically sound film 'Bad Education' (a birthday present from a dear dear friend), the door bell rings. i roll my eyes. hoping its not any unpleasant relation. then think it must be a flowers delivery. much too my suprise, its guppie and r. armed with a cake! i am beyond happy. a little embarassed. after a long work day and the next day being working for one of them... am very embarrased. but alls well that begins well. got a call from two of my oldest friends (poona and paris). still waiting for the third school friend to call (delhi). am sure she will. waiting for my college roomie to call. am other buddy was sloshed on cheap wine (at the press club) so i guess its better he didnt call at night and talk nonsense (not that he talks any sense when sober). kidding! my madcap friend put an alarm to call me (time zones can be a pain, na?) at night and also in the morning! the silly kid called too. put an alarm, was barely awake, wished me a drowsy birthday! haha. parents, cousins, friends parents. am very touched. need to go meet my nani. have my morning cuppa coffee with her. go to the mandir (a ritual i stick to) and then head to class. usual day.

feel all grown up. really. life coming a full circle. first birthday once i started living on my own. oh, my associate got me a ru and raisin cake, baked by an old lady in chembur. she knew i like such offbeat things. hehe. but reminded my of 36 chowringee lane. will post my gifts list at night! woohoo.

and i so cant resist this quote, which i know a lot of people will roll their eyes at and go, "aristera, grow up!", but the peter pan in me at some levels refuses to.

the secret of life is never to have an emotion that is unbecoming. - Wilde

February 25: National Day in Kuwait (1950)

1570 - Pope Pius V issued the papal bull Regnans in Excelsis to excommunicate Queen Elizabeth I and her followers in the Church of England.
1836 - Samuel Colt received a patent for a "revolving gun."
1921 - The Democratic Republic of Georgia was occupied by the Soviet Red Army.
1951 - The first Pan American Games opened in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
1986 - EDSA Revolution: Corazón Aquino was inaugurated as President of the Philippines, as Ferdinand Marcos fled the nation after 20 years of rule.

aristera was born.

huh?

2006-02-24T02:21:00.000+05:30

i have no clue why i post this. that too at past 2 in the morning. but i must. just.

my fridge consists of the following:

1. mayonaisse

2. brown bread

3. cheese

4. strawberries

5. grapes

6. pasta

7. carton of milk

8. toblerone (lotsa)

9. after eight (gift)

10. guava cheese (remains of a holiday in goa)

and there isnt anything else in my fridge besides these 10 items. hahaha. you know why i am writing this? to prove a point. never, ever, ever believe me if i say that i am happy being single. ever.

cold women. a date. birthday

2006-02-23T17:26:00.000+05:30

all's well.

feel good. no fever or fatigue.

just a cold lingers.

am taking it easy, work wise.

not burnt out. am happy.

dvd player working. got a fresh replacement.

the water purifier was fine. i didnt know how to turn it on (deja-vu, anyone?)

watched 'Blanc' or 'White' (if you must) from the colour trilogy. loved it.

Dominique (played by Julie Delpy) is cold. why does he still love her? i am fascinated by cold women who are loved. Estella (played by Gwenyth Paltrov) in Great Expaectations is cold and hurts Finnigen Bell (Ethan Hawke) each time he is extremely happy about something. it kills me. and is she HOT or is she HOT? Dominique of 'Fountainhead' (that trashy novel by Ayn Rand) also falls into the same category.

went for drinks at zenzi last night (for sure my favorite bar). i dont know if it was a date. but had a fabulous fabulous time. had to politely sip on white wine (the recent bout of flu, you see). while my friend/date merrily guzzled 3 very tempting capriojkas (to hell with how it is spelt... i love it for the mint. but i still swear by my bloddy marry's and martinis and appletinis). date/friend wore something from Anokhi. brownie points! talked about everything under the sun. drinks, college, zenzi, architecture, bombay, urban planning, human rights, sex, friends, clubs, traffic, books, films, life. lookng forward to an encore. amen.

my birthday on saturday! wooohooo. 25 on 25.

yahhan wahaan ki baatien and some

2006-02-21T08:29:00.000+05:30

FRIDAY
16 hours of non-stop work. The length-breadth-height of the city was covered. 9am meeting on site in lokhandwala, out in the sun in marve (way outside the city) with clients till 1:30pm. Move to khar for another meeting till 4:30pm. Power lunch (read irritated me answering inane questions of dumb clients, while all I wana do is eat…its f***ing 5pm! And I am having my lunch). Rush hour traffic is me to reach pedder road. More inane stuff awaits me when I get there at 6:55pm. Leave for colaba for some more work till 9pm. Rush hour in the train to get back home. Get home at 10:15pm and want to cry. Still more calls to attend to (its Friday night!!) and things to be dealt with. Am done only by 1am.
.
SATURDAY
Rush to colaba on work at 9:30am. Meeting at 11am. Get done by 12:45 and rush to class. Interesting class on ‘cities as objects of art’. Lecture by a friend so it wasn’t one of those rigid-rigid ‘lectures’. Finish by 4pm. Rush to check out an opening and a show. Hacienda was opening Kim Kyoungae’s solo ‘Beyond Horizon’. Beautiful gallery. Prosaic, unimaginative show. Kim has done better work before. Spoke to the gallerist and the curator. Rushed to Chemould to catch Vivan Sundaram’s show. Am not a big admirer of his works. But loved this show. ‘Bad Drawings For Dost’-Vivan Sundaram. A homage to Bhupen Khakhar. Subtle and crude at the same time. Unserstated and hard-hitting. Grotesque and vulnerable. All whites. Charcoal, graphite on gateway. Tactile works.
Running a fever. Have three bowls of soup (a a small piece of chocolate).
.
SUNDAY
Nursing a cold, sore throat and fever. Taking it easy. Love the fact that I am not working. A friend drops by to see how I am doing. We have a good chat. She wants to talk about architecture. Don’t get me started girl! Cousins come to visit. Hate them. Their kid sings emran hashmi songs. Dances to them. And they encourage him. Are proud of it. I want to kill them. What is the world coming to. Ask him about enid blyton, and he may say that she is some ‘chick’ that emran is doing in some flick. *aristera weeps silently*
Cousin1 comes visitng too. Love her. She is silent. She cant stand the others either. I want to speak to her about something. Soon.
.
MONDAY
Worked only for 2 hours. Felt guilty. Made work calls for an hour. Felt better. Hehe. Never thought in college that I would turn out to be a workaholic. Wow. Me, the lazy lump of corruption. Went and bought me a dvd player. Was very excited. Gonna watch loadsa films. Geets, here I come! But the f***ing player isn’t working. Want to kill someone. Hate life. The water purifier also not working. So no water. Is this an indication? I wonder.
.
TUESDAY
Wake up early. Got to take a class in a bit. Don’t know why I am still blogging. Going to be late. But today, class should be fun. Models and spatial play. Lets see how I goes. Lending my copy of ‘In Which Annie Gives It Those Ones’ (the screenplay and the vcds) to my students. And want to discuss the Jewish Museum at Berlin for case study of implicit conceptualization. Had forced geets to go see it when she was in berlin. Am glad she listened…I think she is also glad that she did. Love the building. Genocide and voids. The building is about silence. Daniel libeskind. One of the better architects. Geets inscribed something very sweet on the book she got me from the museum. Just read it yesterday…after a long time.
“dear ******, it’s a building dedicated to silence – so I thought it fitting to say that words cant express how precious our friendship is…hope you enjoy the book. Love always, geetanjali.S”.
.
Currently reading: Pablo Neruda Selected Poems
Re-reading: The Language of Post Modern Architecture, Charles Jencks
Listening to: nothing
Playing in my head: It’s a Wonderful World

2006-02-19T10:32:00.000+05:30

How Many Hands Do I Need to Declare My Love for You

2006-02-17T10:45:00.000+05:30

10 things I wish I wasn’t:

.
1. out of shape
2. insecure
3. suffering from low self-esteem
4. a procrastinator
5. arrogant and sarcastic (as a defense mechanism)
6. bad at spellings
7. single
8. so blind when in love
9. sooo not-well-read
10. fickle minded (and how!)
.
10 things I wish I was:
1. all toned and muscle
2. intelligent
3. to the manor born
4. aware of the world affairs
5. selfless
6. simple
7. older
8. confident and self-assured
9. more skilled (to play an instrument or dance or something)
10. someone else, some place else.
.
Currently playing in my head: ‘mera kuch samaan tumhare paas pada hai’.
I relate to this song at any point every point.
.
Catharsis: saw an ex on a date. An ex I am so over. The ex was out with this famous guy. A semi-celeb of sorts. It irritated me. A lot. Disgusted me even. None of my business. True. But I did find it very irksome. Just had to put it down on the blog. Or I’d be playing it in my head all the time. be right back. *aristera goes to the washroom, throws up*. aah am back!

stand up stand up

2006-02-17T00:22:00.000+05:30

no, this is not about eminem's slim shady (btw, i abhor eminen, ughs ughs ughs... it is not music...no, to each his own wont work here. eminem is not music). stand up comedy. bombay does not have much of that. am a sucker for most live performances. this one was N-E-A-T. vidur kapur. new york based stand-up comedian. at zenzi... one of my favorite bars. nice drinks, nice bar, good music, good crowd. and they dont hate stags! woo hoo. some wine, some beer and good jokes. some self-deprecatory and some not. george bush bashing to indian bashing to gay bashing. it was a riot. funny funny funny.

was with a bunch of friends. people think we are snobs. perhaps. i dont know.

the usual gang. and it means a great level of comfort for me. they know me and i know them. we know when and how to give/ get space. and there is a level of informal jibes and all. it is really about the comfort zone. people dont approach us, or mix around because we are rather self-contained. strange, but true.

met some people i hadnt in a long time. got all flattered when someone hit on me. woo hoo. been sooooo long. was wondering where i go wrong. hehe.

am chuckling wickedly.

got an early morning tommorrow.

met an aquaintance at zeni who asked me if i teach. kinda freaked me out, coz i wondered how he knew, as i hadnt told him. he said he reads my blog. it kinda baffles me. i thought only 5 women read my blog. apparently not. annonymous people who do not comment also read this. didnt know they did.

we need more of stand-up comic acts in bomaby!

need a break from the usual clubbing.

and am so glad am in bombay. elasewhere in india, there isnt a half decent bar (delhi and blore being the exceptions)... i can just not survive in small town india. was away from bombay for 5 loooooong years. never again. would love to travel the world. even the usual suspects like london and new york, but bombay was, is and shall always be home.

damn, i wish i had had that martini. oh i dont think will want to wake up early tomorrow morning. but i have to. for my bread and foi gras. c'est la vie. sigh.

currently reading : Norwegian Wood by Murakami

Madhubani Paintings by Mulk Raj Anand

currently listening to : Abida Parwin

song in my head : whats going on by 4 non-blondes

i say, "hey! whats going on!!?"

semantics, semeotics, tactility of language, et cetera

2006-02-15T22:29:00.000+05:30

a friend insists on speaking 'correct' and 'global' english. what the hell is global english? for me it is a castrated language. no coloquil nuances or tactility. i personally think a language needs to grow over place and time. it is regressive otherwise. new words are added to the dictionary. we have our own quirks in terms of pronunciations and sentence construction too. our cultural background renders it thus. why mst i speak like the british do? english as indian a language as any vernacular language. i wonder if the other erstwhile colonies face the same problem.

take the word 'peon' for example. since i cant write phoenetics...kindly make do with this...

pyune ( as in like puke) is how we would say it here.

the americans go different, while the brits hail the 'pee-un'. does that make indian way of saying it wrong? we need to deconstruct this prosaic heirarchy where the British ways are a higher factor of the equation. we are no longer colonized. it is sad, because, if the french have their way of prnouncing english words, its hip. its sexy. its the pride they take in doing things their way. but if there is any mother-tongue-infiltration in india, we term the poor person a 'verni'. i wonder why we have such a low self-esteem as a nation.

i take much pride in the fact that i am multilinguistic. i speak english, hindi, marathi and gujarati rather fluently. i understand bengali, punjabi and a little bit of french. will someday take up a foreign language too. someday.

so the point being, its perfectly ok to have a heavy twang of any which sort. construct a sentence the way you think is best. purists have no place in the PostModern (PoMo) world.

a beautiful PoMo work which designs language is Roy's 'The God of Small Things'.

P.G.Woodhouse does that too. na?

what, ya!

like i love saying, 'fun hua!'

2006-02-12T15:59:00.000+05:30

A basic lack of tolerance. People still debating over valentine’s day. Whether it is corrupting the youth of our country? Why it should be banned? I could throw up. Really. Moral policing? In 2006? Give me a break. How can someone define what is right for me? What is wrong? Who decides what is acceptable? Who decides what is obscene? What is unnatural? Huh? Nonsense! Some silly old, frustrated, kinky jerks who think they know what Indian culture is? Can even one of them tell me about the history of the country? The heritage? Am sure they cant. They are blinkered. They should be shot dead. Each one of them. What if person A wants to buy person B flowers, chocolates, cards and take person B on a date? Huh? What is wrong with that? What is wrong if they kiss? Express their love? What part of our ‘culture’ is being compromised here? And god forbid if the person A and B happen to be of the same gender. Shudder shudder. Westrern corrupt values. Kill them? Send them to the West? That has been done at an indirect level anyways whereby queer people have migrated to other more tolerant countries. Gandhian principals of non-violence and tolerance? Are they alien to us? Is that not our ‘culture’? is it not a fundamental-human-right? Huh? You bash-up/ kill people who ‘love’ people who according to you should not be loved by them? If there are any prescriptions as to who should be loved and by whom, then please burn them. Or is there a genocide in the planning to exterminate all deviants? Huh?
Do we not have more pressing issues in our country? Female infanticide? Or forget such irrelevant (relatively) issues. How about basics like water? Food? Education? Dignity comes way below in the list. But we still harp about valentine’s day. D-I-S-G-U-ST-I-N-G.

untitled

2006-02-06T14:43:00.000+05:30

I walked down the street
Felt someone was following me
Literally
It was refreshing.
Metaphorically, I think
No one follows me.

They all come
Take a piece of me
I wonder what happens
When very little of me
Is left?

I called for food
Last night.
They never send
Portions fit for one.
If I had someone to eat with
Wouldn’t I simply go out?

I saw a film the other day
It didn’t have an ending
Per se, that is.
It was more real to me
Than if it were with an ending.

I did the right thing.
After a long time,
Once again
I did something which
Was ‘right’
And once again
It made me sad.

I picked up my phone
And we spoke.
I had the upper hand
As
I was being ‘honest’.
Sometimes it does not
Take guts to be ‘honest.
Sometimes its easy
And
Only sometimes
Its difficult to lie to others.
I can fool myself, sometimes
At other times
I fool nobody.

The Left Side of my Left Foot

2006-02-05T23:06:00.000+05:30

The other day
When I was going for a walk
Out in the wilderness

A huge sky fell on my toe

A heartless, shiftless
Sheer abundance!

I struggled to move it
Pushed hard as I could
Jostled with it
But nothing worked

Till a soft wind blew
Moving it slightly
Releasing from underneath
My battered toe

I walk around as usual now
It’s just that… since that day

The left side of my left foot

Is a Cobalt blue.

deepti naval

books my foot

2006-02-04T09:43:00.000+05:30

ENTITY: i love literature
ME: oh, do you now?
ENTITY: ya, ya.i read an awesome book.
ME: awesome book?
ENTUTY: you must read it
ME: .....
ENTITY: its about art.
ME: thats nice....
ENTITY: ya, Da Vinci Code
ME: @#$%^**^*
ENTITY: but...
ME: shut up!
.
a friend and i were randomly surfing channel on one of my two televisions (i watch about 30 mins of it per month so its a bit funny to have two tellies...bizzare rented furnish appt, you see) last night and on NDTV there were interviewing Paolo Coehlo. and my friend got all excited about it. it ticked me off. cant stand it. i think the Alchemist was candy floss trash. reductionist, overtly simplified junk. 'Literature' for the Dimwit (LFD).
so i decided to make a list of books which are LFD...
1. The Alchemist
2. 5 Point Someone
3. Da Vinci Code
4. Harry Potter
5. Who Moved My Cheese
6. 7 Habits of Highly Successful People
7. One Night At The Call Centre

cant come up with more right now. but am sure there a tonnes more.
but it was heartning to see the mad crowds at The Strand Sale.
i went beserk and shopped beyong my means.
but no regrets.
have sworn to give 'A Clock Work Orange' a second chance.
Read 3 whole pages of Calcutta Chromosome. HATED IT.
i think he is immensely overrated.
gimme a Seth, any day.
.
on a not very different note, my birthday is around the corner. well not really around the corner, but 3 weeks is not too far, na?

Rang de basanti

2006-01-31T18:48:00.000+05:30

With much trepidation, we went for the premiere show. The film had an interesting concept and a good cast (minus aamir khan). Was sure it would also turn out to be a big disappointment, after the debacle of 15 Park Avenue. Was pleasantly surprised. Was a very nice film. A film which finally understood the meaning of ‘implied’, ‘subtle’, ‘less is more’ instead of hamming (which a concept like this, it could so easily have fallen prey to). Stylistically shot (sometimes too stylized… but what the hell!). Like my friend B said about the first half, it looked like a slick music video. Apt. but well handled, sound cinematography, brilliant locales (a far cry from New Zealand, Alps, and Mumbai). Set in contemporary Delhi in the DU campus and the outskirts, this film’s strong point is definitely its contexuality. Relevant. It hits you hard.
Am glad I never went to college in Bombay. Colleges here impart sound education without any ideology. ‘Campus’ is missing as a way of life. The bonding on other campuses over the country is so different. Delhi University may have the drawback of the overtly politicized atmosphere. But that’s better than Bombay colleges’ apathy and ignorance. There is so much more to college life than jam sessions, chilling and other frivolous indulgences. I mean, these are definitely essential but there is more to it. At college, I had BIG fights with my head of department, faculty, administration, trustees, and the works. Because I believed that there was a need for a changeand because I felt that I was getting a raw deal. Because it was unfair. I wasn’t a rebel, per se. that would be a gross exaggeration. Like extempore said once about someone, ‘I can’t stand rebels without a cause’. The college fests here have too much money. The commutes take all the thinking time. Infact you spend all your time either commuting or thinking about which train to take to avoid the rush hour. This rush is not conducive to education, for sure.
Am digressing. It’s about RDB.
The way the film transcends the present to enter the past and vice versa is maturely dealt with. The title track is fantastic. Keeps ringing in my head. Ding ding ding ding. Soha (unlike her stiff performance in Antarmahal) is very restrained and convincing in the film. Waheeda is subtle and graceful, as always. The others are aptly cast (Sherman joshi, kunal kapur, sidhharth something) and do a very good job of it. Aamir khan sadly is too big for the film. He can not get over the fact that he is a ‘great’ actor. Over board at times, while decent at others (he is fantastic in the climax), he looks GODAWFUL.
All said and done, I think it’s worth a watch. Even the dimwits will like it. It plays to the galleries with the realistic but crass dilli-college lingo. Some of it is uncalled for and affected, some endearing.

Oh and republic day!
Yes. I hate Indians. I do. I love India and hate Indians. Uncivilized and hate it as I may, I will describe us as ‘monkey tribe’. While seeing the film, I cursed the Indian audience. Laughing at all the wrong times. Insensitive. Don’t deserve a good film. Saying things like ‘mind-blowing’ while Jallinwalabaug is being shown? Huh? DISGUST is the only word that comes to my mind. I detest people whose vocab is restricted to ‘rocking’ and ‘mind-blowing’ and ‘awesome’. May that cretin sitting behind me in the film burn in hell. The general audience was dumb and daft. The next day I saw a TV show where they asked people when was India’s republic day. People didn’t know that! When did it become a republic? Nada. What does republic mean? Zilch. UGHS. Pity. We are truly a THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. I hate Indians. We are A-W-F-U-L.

Oh a completely different note, I am puzzled with myself. Something I have been looking forward to for ages finally happened. It a fantastic step-up for my career. Takes decades for people to achieve it. I was waiting for it like mad. And that’s an understatement. But it happened and it just fizzled out. It was like a flat beer. I was like, wow. So now that we are done with that, lets go make some coffee. Nobody was excited. Nobody. Except my cousin. She’s the best. She wanted an autographed copy. Others were like ya cool. Whatever. Sigh. For me it was a milestone. my parents haven’t seen it yet, but were happy. My grandmom saw it and was happy for me. I wish atleast there was someone who would be as excited or a bit proud of me. Damn. I had sworn not to write about emotional stuff on the blog. Anyways. On a much lighter note, am rather vela these days. Not as much work. Suddenly. Wish I was reading. But I am on the fone all the time. Or sleeping early and getting up late. My favorite prof at college used to call me a ‘lazy lump of corruption’. Hehe. I now call my favorite student the same. Life comes a full circle. Wow, makes me feel ancient.

kareoke nights

2006-01-25T11:46:00.000+05:30

(over a year ago, an old aquaintance and i went to jazz by the bay for drinks are a play at prithvi and some drinks at OnToes. he somehow convinced me to sing. 'With or Without You'. i kept the mike away and sang. then on diwali i dragged some friends along to jazz to sing songs and bring the festival in. my friend R, the performer, wanted to sing YMCA. i flatly refused. we both agreed to Pretty Woman. i sang awful. even my friends said so. but after 4 vodka tonics, i couldnt care two hoots. then on new years eve, at this shady club in calangute-goa, j and i, this time after an awful cocktail and about 3vodkas, we decided to to a theatrical rendition (last song for the night- for obvious reasons) of 'I Will Survive'. it was a riot. didnt do a very very bad job, coz j was good at singing. hehe. but like i said, it was a riot. and then again, today i am singing along while writing this post... and the song is my current state of mind).

Oh Pretty Woman

From the Movie "Pretty Woman"

Performed by Roy Orbison

Pretty woman, walking down the street

Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet

Pretty woman

I don't believe you,

you're not the truth

No one could look as good as you

Mercy

Pretty woman, won't you pardon me

Pretty woman, I couldn't help see

Pretty womanThat you look lovely as can be

Are you lonely just like me

Wow

Pretty woman, stop a while

Pretty woman, talk a while

Pretty woman, gave your smile to me

Pretty woman, yeah yeah yeah

Pretty woman, look my way

Pretty woman, say you'll stay

with me

'Cause I need you, I'll trear you right

Come with me baby, be mine tonight

Pretty woman, don't walk on by

Pretty woman, make me cryPretty woman, don't walk away,

hey...okayIf that's the way it must be,

okayI guess I'll go on home,

it's lateThere'll be tomorrow nigh,

but wait

What do I sees

is she walking back to me

Yeah, she's walking back to me

Oh, oh, Pretty woman

tombstone of aristera

2006-01-23T19:39:00.000+05:30

while saurabh put this thought in my mind... i thought it might make an interesting post. what would one want one's tombstone to say. morbid thought? naah. narsississtic? perhaps. it made me think. i came up with cheesy one liners (yes, those of you who know me, stop sniggering!). i came up with caustic remarks (my forte)...and i said to myself, aristera, beta, not in death, no sarcasm please. the best i could come up with (albeit not-original, courtesy frank sinatra)...

Aristera

(1981 - xxxx)

He Did It His Way

you think this post can have a title?

2006-01-16T23:08:00.000+05:30

this is not the life i want to lead.

15 Park Avenue

2006-01-15T10:23:00.000+05:30

One of those films which are not bad, but could have and should have been so much more. Aparna Sen, goddess of cinema for me, fell from grace. A great concept gone off the mark. A wooden ugly rahul bose, a cocksure and diva-like shabana( playing herself in arty clothes), a simple yet convincing waheeda rehman, brilliant shefalie chhaya. Konkona was ofcourse very good, but in an author backed role of this kind, you cant go wrong. It is one of those films which a mother would make for her daughter to get the National Award as a birthday present. Technically no great guns, bad dialogues, forced acting. This could not have come from the same woman who gave us masterpieces like 36 chowringee lane and yugant. No.
But in all fairness, the ending was made beautifully. I might over interpret it, but it challenges the sanity of the so called sane. And how we are all looking for that elusive something/someone…our very own 15 park avenue?

teacher teacher

2006-01-13T16:37:00.000+05:30

Planning to have some friends over tomorrow evening. Some close friends. Some who may become close friends. Food and drinks. And conversations. Have discovered that I love entertaining. Absolutely. Luckily the blues have gone away. No complains about living by myself. No issues about being single. Working sensibly, if not hard. Am on a high as far as teaching is concerned. Had a good class today. The new batch this semester is very good. Very curious and very cocksure. Love teaching them. They harrow me with their doubts. Especially this one gurl M. it’s the prefinal semester for them, andi decided to remodel the program completely. Retail design. Showing them ‘breakfast at tiffany’s’. doing lotsa case studies. M suddenly asks me these questions that just kill me. Reminds me of me in college. ‘so is this deconstruction?’ . I just smile. Sigh. Then go on to explain. ‘so is minimalism so facile?’ or ‘who fathered the modernist movement, Mies Van Der Rohe?’. I sigh again. Start explaining the sociological framework post-world-war. Give her a reading list to solve her doubts. It is as stimulating for me as it is for her. We dissect Ayn Rand’s writings. She thinks the world of her ‘Fountainhead’. We fight over it. I tell her to give it five years. She humours me and smiles. We move on to next weeks assignments.

An observation, if I may. Somethings which are considered cool to dismiss :
1. Indian writing in English
2. derrida
3. marquez
4. booker prize winners
5. siddharth dhanvant sanghvi
6. arundhati roy
7. rushdie and naipaul
8. contemporary Indian art
9. hussain
10. indian art house cinema