Friday, April 28, 2006
.....to the place i belong
all my bags are packed. am ready to go...3 days in GOA! *cathces breath*should be a great weekend.have warned everyone here to not bother me for the next three days.going to stay in a portuguese villa. mandrem beach. off the typical scene of baga and anjuna. but a stone's throw from arambol, vagator and in close proximity to anjuna.packed em shorts. i actually bought a ganji! woohooo. but only for goa. i swear *pinches the flesh over the adams apple and has a solemn expression*lotsa things to do. nothing to do at all. eat a lot. drink a lot. make merry (yes, thats what we call IT these days!) MUHAHAHAHAHA.off in 30 mins. gotta shut the house up and clear up the fridge. and here i am blogging away to glory. hehe. not very me. but my new mantra in life is 'throw caution to the winds'. hehe.ladies and gentlemen, love you all! *waves to the readers* miss me. mad i have gone.current colour: washed out plum
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
pehle se likha kuch bhi nahin...jo bhi likha hai...yeh lamha filhaal...
most eventful past few days. life is changing so fast, so soon. too much happening too soon. work, love life, everything. its like being caught in this whirlwind. a crazy crazy dream project offer. talks are on. but its so FUCKING big, its not funny. something i thought i would do 25 years from now. hope as hell it works out. actually, even if it doesnt, the fact that i was considered for the project is a kick-ass thing in itself. *gloats*
in a dilemma about one thing, though. dont know what to do. lets see. catch 22.
am extremely happy these days. extremely. being myself. 'throwing caution to the winds' like my baby says it. its surreal. and its been so long. one relationship in the last 2 years. for 2 months. and an awful waste at that. had almost forgotten what it is like. almost. last evening was PERFECT. so were all the other dates. are we rushing it? my friends think so. i would have thought so. but if it seems right, then why not? it would be forced to take things slowly when you feel a certain way, na? the rose is standing in the emptied bottle of rose'.
cant wait for it to be the weekend. goa. oh my goa. wooohoooo. mad amount of work (almost inhumane) to be finished before i can push off. but i know it iwll all be so much fun. for a change am not obsessing over the details. where or what or how. i really dont care. i just...
a lifetime is spent. a lifetime needs to be lived.
listening to: Mazart symphony no.25 in G minor (tihs one is to amuse you, viv!)
current colour: burnt purple
Monday, April 24, 2006
its not poetry, its my life
In love? Seriously.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
No one shall sleep
Let no one sleep
May no one sleep
so i was warned that my post titles would change one of these days. well.
am up. its almost 1.30am. saturday night. so whats new? for starters, i am studying and thats why i am up. not out drinking at my favorite bar. geek. hey raam. tired. just made me a cuppa strong black coffee. listening to Nessun Dorma.
studied for the shortest time. crammed in so much into my little head. wow. ravi verma's civilizational project mixed with nayaka-nayika in radha krishan paintings of pahadi school muddled up with bibhatsa rasa with some irrelavant garnish of indo-sarcenic architecture. i am so tired. i havent the energy. so much for my psued course. thank god i payed a little attention to the old foggies in class. else i wouldnt have been able to make head or tale of anything last minute. not that it makes much sense right now. did i mentioned i am tired. but also immensely happy. something mega nice happened. and studying makes me feel good. i feel a little clever if i can understand things. hehe. and sometimes, good things happen to good people. hehe. yay!
replaying the piece. its nice though i dont understand the nuances. someday i shall. till then i am not sahridaya with it, but in my sthayi bhava i am keep to transcend to ananda. yes, i write nonsense. but do others write any sense. i feel like writing rubbish. so many people write rubbish. sometimes they win bookers for it too.
from next week i wish i can say, 'thank god its friday'. no more saturday class. yay! planned my new painting in my head. worked out. want to begin on monday night. nocturnal activity. hehe. yay! am happy and tired. yes, i know i am repeating it. in literature, repitition is a figure of speech, ok?
should go to sleep. getting all conked. hehe. going to get up at 6am and study some more. get reference visuals, scan and print them. *sigh* and then to much hated kalina. *hey raam wala sigh* to write the damn paper. and then lunch with my friends. looking forward to it. hope thay all come. then for sorbet with M. my favorite student? yup, her only. then home to get dressed for the date. yay! am happy. and tired.
current colour: silver white of the quiescent moon
current mood :'Ennis, riding against the wind back to the sheep in the treacherous, drunken light, thought he'd never had such a good time, felt he could paw the white out of the moon'.
Nessun dorma" is an aria from the final Act of Giacomo Puccini's opera Turandot. The aria, whose title translates from Italian as "Let no one sleep", follows the proclamation by the Princess Turandot that no-one shall sleep: they shall all spend the night attempting to find out the name of the unknown prince, Calaf, who has set the challenge. Calaf sings, indicating his certainty that their effort will be in vain.
Friday, April 21, 2006
iss sheher mein tum jaise deewane hazaaron hain
Am I a Flower -Bhupen Khakar
*takes deep breath, ponders, smiles, rolls eyes at ones own silly ways then begins to post*
last night was one of the better dates. decided to call in food and watch something on the dvd. me being me, got a little worked up about having someone over. rarely does osmeone come over. and a date? um, ok. very, very rare. so i ventured out, local florist. flowers for cookie jar, flowers for bowl, flowers fot milk bottle in my bedroom, flowers for kitchen. hehe. yes, i do get carried away. cleaned the work table.wnet and bought some nice rose'. reccomended by evistagio. grover rose'. rather nice. hommus, pita bread, fattoush salad, penne, date and walnut cake laced with cherry brandy lacquer. sex and the city. season 6. part two. 4 shows. awesome. am so happy. its scary. something has to go wrong. for a change have taken a very conscious decision. no putting the other person on a pedestal. not too think i am not good enough and why would someone like that fall for me. time to not mess things up. a little self-worth may help.
so anyways. enough soul searching. my blog is not for that. its more food and drinks and books and nice things.
was about to delete the last few sentences. i know 'the date' will read this. but its fine. cant let that change anything. shouldnt affect what i blog. oh, and i must keep telling myslef all the time...i am good, i am good, bloody good. its not like you are god's gift ot mankindo r anything. though you are bloody good *rolls eyes, is going all bonkers, giggles, rolls eyes once more*. OMG! aristera, behave! you are not a teenager. havent been one for some time. so please! *stammers, stutters, doesnt know what to say, cant help but behave like this*
so the exam is on sunday. god know when i will study. but htis paper is kind of chill. i think. lets see. packed weekend. tomorrow meeting a friends mommy for some work, then material sourcing and billnigs (how i hate billings!) and then study some, please? might step out for a coffee or drink in the evening. but just for a wee bit. and that too might. not sure. lets see. sunday is real packed. morning stupid exam in godforsaken kalina. then might do lunch. then some friends thingy for something. then will go for this thingy which seems like a lot of fun. kinda date, i think. i hope.
got home after 11 hours of work and a coffee date. the godawful trains, how i hate them. cuffee parade is a strange place. can never think of it as a residential area. awful to live there. really awful. anyways. came home to a messy house. maid locked herself out of the house while discarding garbage and left her set of keys inside. so i came home at 9pm to do dishes of the fabulous meal from last night. wine glasses to bowls to plate, the works. nonsense. nonsense. nonsense. i hate doing dishes. i do. i do.
tired as hell now. but thats ok. want to #$%^*
*smiles for no reason whatsoever* this post is so going to freak out 'the date'. please dont read it! please. am not a freak. i swear. i do. *sighs*
current colour: terracotta
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
jaane kitney dino ke baad, gali mein aaj...
nothings better than a full long day of productive work, that ends in a GOOD date. after the longest time. strangely, i know my date is going to be reading it, but have decided that like always, one shall presume that there is no reader involved. its not like the rasa theory which is viewer centric. anyways. so i got lotsa work done yesterday. rushed home and rushed out. drinks. theres something about sitting by the sea and sipping beer. and with my history and affinity for both, it could only have been good. the company was great. some chilled out conversation. some nonsense, which i think is good. i was completely at ease. after so long. damn. i keep saying 'after so long'. but its true. the last good date was some time ago. anyways. am happy. really happy. yay! a long walk on the promenade. holding hands. PDA. so not me. but i didnt care. i was happy. really happy. sublime. the breeze. the palms. just right. no, am not gushing. well. some awesome sorbet. am hooked. strawberry sorbet. why didnt anyone tell me about this before? nonsense only people are.
today was early morning rushing to town. lotsa work. great lunch at friends place. drooled over the art collection. 9 souzas. 2 bhupens, 1 jogen one collaboratie rarity, a shergil and loads more. *sigh* someday. a fabulous zarina hashmi. am considering getting one. lets see. but great company. G and his mommy. very good hosts. some nice roast mutton with mint sauce, some good mushrooms, bell peppers and broccolli glazed, some beans. me took some nice blueberry cheesecake from theobroma. oh, the mid-afternoon breezer felt good. hehe. *satiated grin* got lotsa work done. but wound up early. nice. will make up for it tomorrow. no problem. sorting work out is helping. am not irked or tensed about things. yay!
strong urge to paint. i think i will, once the exam is over and done with. a large work. planning. will gift it to someone. lets see. need to think some on this. weekend should be fun, if it comes. saturday will be studying all day, meeting someone for their work, bharti kher's show in the evening, an early night. sunday will be early morning. go to the university in godforsaken kalina...write the damn paper. and then yay! time...
so my posts are getting longer. i noticed it too. its being mentioned by people now. ok. well, have been in a rather pro-people mood these days. perhaps that is why. oh, i need to call it a night now. tomorrow should get an early start, before the silly phone calls start bothering me. lets see. want to try and get the dvd of sex and the city and watch some. dont know if i will be able to. generally, by the time i get back, am so dead tired that i can hardly do anything but get outa my clothes, and crash. nt good. well.
current colour: burnt red
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
sapne pe paav padd gaya tha...
so someone told me last night that my blog is TOOO RANDOM. ahem. too many thoughts. i change the topic of discussion even within the same sentence many times over. i went back to the last few posts. yes. i do that. but then i even talk like that. i suddenly hang up the phone, mid-sentence, i go "go away, i need to work/sleep now". too random. c'est moi. but i thought i must structure the thoughts. but today, i dont think i should. i like the de-structured thoughts. they are more tactile, if you know what i mean. more humane. doesnt matter.
date tonite. drinks. should be fun.
been hooked to Sex and the City. it cheers me up, like nobody's bussiness. just kills me. started liking Samantha and Carrie. was a die hard Maranda fan. not anymore. one line in an episode from season 6... Samantha (S) and this Random Fuck (RF)...
RF: you are harsh
S: yes, i am harsh. i am also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient and always right. in bed, in the office and everywhere else. and thats just a little bit about me!
hehe. need to watch more of it. i want to buy me the entire set of 6 seasons. but must cost a bomb. lets leave it for times when i am very low. hehe.
so yesterday was a great day. disgusting house guests left fora month. they will be back only for a day to pick up their stuff. YAY! WOOOHOOO! *does a little jig* so i am a free man again. it had been weighing me down like i never knew it was. feels so light now. wow. and am organising work a little. so i like that. still too much to handle, but its ok. planned my holiday a little more concretely now. am thrilled to bits.
exam on sunday was good. i will clear it. the question on stupa narratives was there. i liked that. had a great lunch with friends. Basillico. nice nice food, great ambience and superb service. am gonna go back soon. followed by coffe at JATC, followed by window shopping at Benetton, Cotton World and Hidesign. mint tea at Prithvi. came home to watch 2 hours of Sex and the City. planned my "i am not into you" speech. felt liberated. the prospect of seeing this someone wighed me down. thats not how it is supposed to be, na?
yesterday was just anorther long work day. got done only at 10pm. *sigh*. today i do more of the same. and tomorrow is the same. nice. everyone around is going through the same grind.
this aamir khan at narmada? bit much. but then to each his own. this thing of tops falling off on the ramp? WHATEVAAA. this about the jail meals for salman making it to the front page? *throws up* and you ask me why i dont read the papers. blah.
time to go take a boat. hehe. could nt resist that one. off to the jetty, cap on, shades on. yay!
current colour: silver
Sunday, April 16, 2006
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir uski yaad
that 'sex and mumbai' tagged me....so here goes...1. What is the total number of books you've owned? about 500.2. What is the last book you bought? shyam sevadurai's 'swimming in the monsoon sea'.3. What is the last book you've read? 'When was Modernism' -Geeta Kapur.4. What are you currently reading? 'All You Who Sleep Tonight' - Vikram Seth.5. What are the 5 books that have meant a lot to you or that you particularly enjoyed? Catcher in the Rye, Golden Gate, An Equal Music, Of Love and Other Demons, Unbearable Lightness of Being.6. What book(s) would you wish to buy next? Jogen Chowdury- The Complete Works, Oscar Wilde - The Complete Works.7. What book(s) caught your attention but you never had a chance to read? cant think of anything offhand, but am sure there are loads.8. What book(s) that you've owned for so long but never read? A Suitable Boy.9. Who are you going to pass this stick to and why? geetanjali, she made me read...
kisi ke jaane ke baad, kare phir uski yaad, chhoti chhoti see baat...
the ex. exes. the ex files.
opened them tonite.
hehe. thought i must put it down. nostalgia. selective memories. what i learnt. the hard way? perhaps. not sure. so anyways...
1. this was long long ago. PB. this bong thing. 9th standard. classes. snoozing on the beach. it was more testosterone driven than anything else. ofcourse back then i thought it was love. my friends hated PB. thought i deserved better. till date they remind me of PB and i still go read in the face. i mean what was i thinking?
Life: 12 months. Recovery: overnight.
REPEAT CHANCES : 0%.2. EN. this iranian dish. 10th standard. tutions. it was more of arm candy. the trophy. but so low on the grey cells, it wasn't funny. Life: 3 months. Recovery: 6 monthsREPEAT CHANCES : 0.5%.3. AD. in college. 1st year. crazy crush. acted in the play i directed. still a friend or sorts. later was seeing my closest friend and roomie. hahaha.Life: 12 months. Recovery : overnightREPEAT CHANCES : 1%.4. AS. 2nd year. love? yes. numerous coffees, drives, walks, conversations. Life : 36 months (on and off). Recovery: still recovering in some waysREPEAT CHANCES : 100% + *sighs*.5. MT. sometime mid of break up with no.4. lust. lots. turned into a long distance thingy. fizzled out. and i still wasnt over no.4Life: 8 months. Recovery: overnightREPEAT CHANCES: 2%.6. AT. when i moved back to bombay. was impressed. was flattered by the interest in me. esoteric. artsy. intelligent (or so it seemed). thought i wasnt good enough (ya rrright...look where you are now baby). am still bitter. will always be. disgusting behavior. slimy. arrogant bitch. Life: 4 months. Recovery: 6 monthsREPEAT CHANCES: Negative.Its been 11 years now. 6 down. god knows how many more to go. lerant a lot from some of them. regrets? none. even some good came outof the worst of the lot. heart break and pain, oh loads. but c'est la vie. its all a part and parcel, na? dating these days. on and off. petrified everytime anyone gets serious. i know its bad. but i cnt help it. need more time. need more space than i ever did, before. am more sure now than ever of what i dont want. what am i looking for in that person? has to be simple. very essential. more intelligent than i am. self made and successful or atleast working towards it. similar lifestyle (to put it politically correctly). a sense of humour would help. looks dont matter much. pleasant is the benchmark. aesthetic sensitivity.
Saturday, April 15, 2006
khamosh sa afsana, pani se likha hoga, na tumne suna hoga...
So the exam is tomorrow. So I am not prepared. So?
Haven’t had the time to study at all. God alone knows what I will write. Stupppid. Hehe. Fun. Gone mad. The weekend. Yesterday was a cray work day that began at 6am. Yes. 6am. I hate the hour. A photoshoot. Yay! Am becoming famous. Hehe. No no. its to esoteric to be seen by anyone. Then rushed to a meeting. Then rushed to another meeting. Walked out of this one at 7pm. Had to meet friends for coffee at prithvi. The last bastion of sanity in the suburbs of Bombay. I cant stand mocha and other cheesy places. Too many kids. Too much papa’s money to dispose. Ughs. Some food and some chai, some irish coffee. Got home. Picked up a cake and went over to a friends for dinner. And then…
Got home at 2am. Worn out and happy. Today was a useless meeting in the morning followed by some serious retail therapy. Much needed. Much too damaging to the pocket. 2 pairs of jeans. Dark blue levi’s and darker blue levi’s. how can denims not be blue? I abhor the fakely faded jeans. Ughs. And then went to reebok. Nike. Lee cooper. Finally settled for a basic pair of floaters from nike. Some frankies on linking road. Came home satisfied. Dozed off. Woke up to the fact that there indeed is an exam tomorrow. Done with 2 subjects of three. Struggling with the third. Not much reference material. Urbanity and its concepts. *sigh*
Will spend Saturday evening studying. Scanning images to refer to in the exam. Printing them…*sigh* . might step out for a coffee at the local coffee shop. A place I have started frequenting only recently. The mujhe-actor-banna-hai crowd is repulsive. Ughs.
My love, I love your breasts. I love your nose.
I love your accent and I love your toes.
I am your slave. One word, and I obey.
But please don’t slurp your coffee in that way.
Current colour: washed out beige
Thursday, April 13, 2006
thoda sa badal, thoda sa pani, aur ek kahani
Even Elliot feels April is the cruelest month.
The heat gets to me. Last year I was nicely tucked away into a nice air-conditioned office all day. A 10 to 9 job. Well. This April I run all over the city. I gotme a cap. So you can barely recognize me on the streets with me in my large shades and this cap. Beat the heat. Or whatever. Nonsense I blog. I swear.
Am all fine now. No fever no nothing. Back to work in full swing. so it feels good. But I still don’t think I am all fit to do the across the city meeting followed by back and forth. Don’t have the strength. So I plan only one thing. Yadayadayada. God alone knows why I am blogging about this…
So I went out of town for a day. By the way, Hiranandani Gardens at Powai look as GODAWFUL from the skies as it does from an ant’s eye view. So, that’s that. Mad frustrating day of work. On my feet from 6 am to 2 am. 2 hours of flight delay and an hour of hovering over the Arabian ocean. Went bonkers. Totally. *sigh*
Got lots of work done though. Met an old college friend over lunch. Was good. Studied a bit on the way back. About 2 hours. Am so not prepared for the exams on Sunday, its not funny. But I think I will cram up as much as I can on Saturday. Today is going to be a long long day. Madh island and all… tomorrow is going to be longer. Am excited about something. The narcissist in me is going to be humoured. Wooohoo!
Flirting outrageously with an acquaintance-friend. Its great fun. Lotsa undercurrents. But am not looking at anything serious. Just some good ol harmless fun. God knows I need it. *wicked chuckle*
Miss my aunt. She has been away for almost two weeks now. Coming back from a holiday tonite. Hope she gets me some nice presents. She better! Else she is asked to go back. Last week of this month, am going to take two full days off and just chill. Indulge. Do nothing. A is also away. On another stupid business trip. Has been given a list of thingy to get back. Hehe. Fun hua.
Time to go for a shower. Time to head out to face the tropical world. Damn the heat. Is it not hotter than all these years? Does anybody’s father stand by their dining table while they eat? Refuses to sit down. And keeps talking above their heads? *yells in despair*
Why cant it rain. I cant wait anymore. Its so beautiful when it does, and work will also be less then. I think. I want to sit by the window and just look at the trees all wet… aur ek kahani…
current colour: eggshell white
current mood: melancholic
current music: Libaas
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
hairaan hoon main...
it got to me finally. broke down. completely. its been sometime. too much pent up frustration. and the worst part was there was no one to talk to. ofcourse there were people. but there isnt anyone who i could call and not feel like i was bothering them. not one person. either they are busy, have problems of thier own, or i just cant make myself open up. i really dont know. felt lonely like i never have. just the fact that there was nobody. friends read this. then they ask what happened. i dont like that. the blog is not a means to tell friends what i live. its just a big mess. am doing sometihng terribly wrong. dont know what. dont know how i manage to do nothing right. its just a fucked up mess. life. big time.
current colour: black
tere daaman mein...sar jhuka ke hum...
so i went to five very popular blogs. saw why they were so popular. they were written intentionally with readers in mind. a calculated and strategic writing oriented towars maximum readership. TRP. to each his own, i guess. i asked myself if i could write like that. no. i just couldnt. i am also one of the very few people in today's world who has no aspirations to ever write a book. everyone i know wants to write a book.
i think aristerasays is just for me. there are times when i know what i write may offend some. but then i cant not be myself. so its ok. if it bothers them, they mustnt read it. the other day, over some brownies and irish coffee with a friend we suddenly discussed blogs, at length. he asked me if i had reviewed a particular play, ages ago. well, i had. and how some people had chanced upon my blog on google with reference to that play. i was a little puzzled about the exercise.
me been much better all day today. was a little woozy in the morning. but much better for the rest of the day. mad mad work day that got over only at 11pm. *breathes sigh of relief*
M asked me the other day about all my friends and what they do. well. esoteric lot, them. film makers, journos, architects, critics, social-workers, corporate honchos, admen, linguists, teachers, biochemists, designers, yadayadayada. hmmm. and then there is me. i like to pigeon hole and judge. so?
at that point with someone where one needs to take a stand. i think it will go the same way. i need to keep a ready disclaimer "i really like you. you are very sweet. *cautious pause, deep breath* but... i dont think this is going anywhere. i mean, theres nothing wrong with you. its just that i am not ready yet. yadayadayada" *sigh of relief*
its just that i am looking for something quixotic. utopia. but i cant settle for anything less. i really cant. its like, if you have tasted blood once....
there are too many mediocre things in life. love shouldnt be one of them.
its one of those phases, again. the problem is my yardstick. i need to toss it out of the window. but i cant.
so tomorrow is one of those days where a thousand errands need to be run. bills to be paid. room to be cleaned. drawings to be made. study. exam in 6 days *shiver runs down spine*
an unwanted complication in life occured. its so ekta kapur esque, its not funny. i just died. died. just what i needed in the middle of all the mad work load, the sickness and the stress on the parental front. god's sense of humour? *rolls eyes*
long ago i made a tryst with destiny. and now the time has come, when i shall sue the bitch. for breaking the agreement and screwing up my life so. *laughs like a maniac*
its late. and i am sleepy. way past my bedtime. my friend mentioned the other day about the titles of my post. how they have little or nothing at all to do with the post itself. it always has something to do with the post. not explicitly, but the subtext. i love to pick up these titles. the good old college days. so much of these gulzaar songs, so much of pink floyd, so much of bob dylan and duran duran. so much to look forward to. *looks back with a sad sad heart*
i think its time for some hardcore retail therapy. muahahaha.
current colour: burnt pink
Sunday, April 09, 2006
ab toh hai tumese har khushi apni
yesterday was my last class. yay! one year of it was good. but was tired of sacrificing all my saturdays. all. i saw my attendance. 4 absences in the entire year. of which 2 i was travelling. one saturday was a miserable hang over and one saturday i was plain bored to go. hehe. not bad. the class was on PostModernism. had immense fun. my absolute area of interest. i remember niraj, in college, calling me PoMo (i was obssesed with all PostModern theories, with derrida being my best friend). hehe. i was also called FabIndia (i had every kurta in every colour they had. my daily attire was a plain solid coloured kurta, cream chudidaar and my bag) and chaddu (for my penchant to change into shorts at the onset of summer and i wore em to college too!). Abhay Sardesai's lecture. a treat. did not agree with his take on Gehry at all. and did not understand the hungama about that T.S.Elliot. but them poerty is not me.
ham and cheese sanwiches, sev puri and pot tea at the yatch club. with the journo/collector and the academician architect. good fun. rush to Bodhi.
dodhiya at boadhi. the father of all contemporary artists meets the grandmother of all galleries. the show was 'not-bad'. dodhiya? i think the rooted, vernacular idiom, the self-deperecatory remarks, the impromtu inspirations were a bit of a put-on. i could be wrong. i dont know. but the gallery is beautiful. hats off to rahul mehrotra. neat shell. the first floor looks like a ship. its where the erstwhile TGIF kalaghoda used to be.
drinks with M at zenzi. she rocks. and how. an awesome woman. this is how people ought to be. the lust for life. the humility. the arrogance. some two hours of beer guzzling and staggering out to a chinee place on carters. cant even recall the name. some wok. nothing to shout about.
meeting a bunch of friends at a party. mad party. hot as hell. the AC not working. but the energy levels were high. spirits were high too. good fun. some more beer. was still rather sober though. not bad. then rushed out. was up for a good 5 hours after that. !#$%^* my brains off.
woke up burnig with fever. irksome. i hate it. why me! slept off the entire morning. went to a waste of a meeting. burning with fever. but couldnt have postponed it. *sigh*. cam hom and slept some more. woke up to call for some pasta. to blog. *bows*
a little contemplative about my single status. been nipping too many prospective relationships at the bud. a few dates and then i start freaking out. dont know why. cant find anything wrong with any of them. but still. need to change this attitude. been single for a year now. need to change this. need to share so much. need someone per se. par Godot hai kahan?
current colour: indigo
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
huzur iss kadar bhi...
Been pumping myself up with em anti-biotics and all sorts of herb concoctions. Sacred basil and mint leves in hot water. Turmeric and huney in hot water. Salt water gargles. Steam inhalations. Vitamins. Fruits. Teas. *sigh* still running a mild fever. Irritated. Worked like mad for 11 hours on my feet yesterday. I know I know. But I cant help it. Am going to sleep it off today. Yesterday I played superhero. Am paying the price today. *sigh*. But all’s well. Work going on smoothly. Have the irksome task of making a resume (yes, I actually went for an interview without a resume or anything but my attitude) *blushes*. But that’s me. It wasn’t so much for the effect as much as for the laziness that I feel when I have to make a resume. One of those small tasks which I find B-O-R-I-N-G.
Am like a zombie for the past three days. A little slow in comprehending. A little slow in speech. Drowsy as hell. Its like being a wee bit drunk/ high. Buzzed? *chuckles* but I need to get over this soon. High time. Cant go on sipping em hot concoctions forever, can i? have been studying a bit. Sunday was a good 8 hours of studying. Today I intend to finish sme more. Decided that Islamic aesthetics are easier to deal with as opposed to jain or Buddhist or hindu (the most painful and complex) as it has no / hardly any hangover from other ideologies. Its rather simple. Relatively less faceted and easy to finish of for the exams. Hehe.
Will sit home and wrk on the laptop. Make calls and co-ordinate things. Thinki should keep one day a week for just this. Organizes life and gives me a break from running across the city like a madman. *ponders*
Bought some cd’s. been listening to them for the last two days. Feel nostalgic. The music we played in my apartment at college. Miss my roomies. Have grown a little distant from them. Nothing that cant be re-bonded when we meet next. But I have changed a lot, a lot, a lot in the past 1.5 years. *sips concoction and ponders and sighs* too much has happened. Changes. The way I look at myself has changed tremendously. The frieds I hang out with. The things I do. C’est la vie.
Current colour: olive green
Sunday, April 02, 2006
dont get me wrong, i think you're alreite, but...
sunday morning. a saturday spent in bed (oh, not like that...just nursing the damn fever). much better now. lotsa tohughts. lotsa studying to do today. i promise i will. i know i will.
two interesting blog related events (if i may call them that, for want of a better term). a friend msgd from bangalore to ask if i was feeling better. it was strange that he knew i was unwell. first thought- oh common friends must have to him. but he said that he got to know from the blog. strange. sweet. confusing, is it ok that friends know what is happening in my life/ to my life through my blog? i dont know. i guess its ok. changing times. he also asked why i blog. "was reading your blog...funny how i can know whats happening in your life...a peek at it. is blogging a release? means to express? a means to be heard? a hobby? or a record for one's days gone by? ..." perhaps. a release it is. it helps me clear my thoughts. a means to be heard? no. definitely not. i have enough friends i can call and rant. a hobby? perhaps. neo-hobby. a record? i would have said no. but have been going to my archives and it makes a good read. i like to then remember those days. its immense fun. it can make me go red in the face too. but thats fine.
and event 2 made me angry. then i got over it. wasnt worth bothering myself with. someone makes tangential caustic remarks about my blog. "Am not one of those who talk on the blog about where they've gone or what they've eaten - well, actually, I used to, but not anymore - so it all seems very silly now. Am not one of those beautifully feathered beings,...". *sigh* and some other posts. a blog i went to on a whim after ages, and this is what i find. fine. what makes me sad is very very very few people understand the concept of space. i dont know about others, but i need a lot of space. i cant have anyone cling to me. however close we may be. sometimes i need to just be. i abhor being asked where i am, who was it on the phone, with whom am i... and i dont like telling my friends to understand this. it irks the hell out of me. 'why dont you tell me anything?' arrey, because there is no need to. just because you tell me everything, it doesnt mean i like you any lesser if i dont tell you everything about my life. get a life. if you dont understand me, its not my problem. its a philosophy i stick to about everything that is me. people who understand me will (and are) accept me for what i am. the other? figure it out for yourself. this new phase to keep distance from some people (while strengthening some bonds) is not a rudeness-spree i am on. its just taking stock. its like emotional accounts, year ending and all.
been on anti-biotics, a little groggy. been resting a lot. eating a lot. might want to step out for a bit at night. i think i will. hopefully i will be feeling better. now to put on the thinking cap (red with a white swoosh) and down to study. here's a sample.
'the indian nationalistic movement gave an impetus to re-state the traditional aesthetic concepts. explain this with reference to tagore and aurobindo'
*sigh, sigh, sigh*
current colour: wine
Saturday, April 01, 2006
yeh kya jageh hai...
running a slight fever. throat infection. last night was some good drinks at Zenzi. eclectic crowd, ajeeb music. but had a good time. was feeling a bit sick by the end of it though. woke up this morning to realise that i am dying. it was a good life, well spent. hehe. last two days have been
H-E-C-T-I-C, to put it very mildly. back-to-back meetings. going to be the same on monday. today's schedule's have obviously gone for a toss. still managed one meeting. the other one (the more important one) i had to cancel. was sapped of all energy. damn. needed to get it done with today.
want to go see Transamerica. even though i have the dvd, decided to see it on the big screen. my house guests are leaving in two weeks. sad that there wont be any little kid to play with in the house. but also glad that i will get my oh-so-important-to-me space. *chuckles* the solitude and the quiet i miss a lot. getting used to it.
sex is overrated. na? dont bother answering it.
i think i shall try and make the most of my ill-health and study atleast one chapter today. am so not prepared for my exams. *shiver runs down spine* monday meeting will finalise the new offer. should work out. lets see. will not carry a resume. too painful to make one. i hate it.
why do people read my blog? i have no clue.
once my house guests go, i want to start painting. its been ages. months. want to throw a party too. need to go for a south indian thali lunch. M has promised to buy me lunch, a sort of guru dakshina. hehe.
the final juries went alright. not as great as they should/could have, but not bad. the students were happy, i think. want to beleive that my inputs were of some use to them, and that they has improved over the semester. have put in my papers (verbally). time to move on. a year was good. i learnt a lot too. but timeto move on.
tired already. want to recover fast. what a waste of a weekend. damn. damn. had to do so much. firend from delhi is back. had plans for dinner. thought would catch up with the 'gang'. wanted to go for a salsa thingy on sunday evening. will still try and make it. need to pump myself up with em medicines. na?
current colour: indigo.