sunday morning. a saturday spent in bed (oh, not like that...just nursing the damn fever). much better now. lotsa tohughts. lotsa studying to do today. i promise i will. i know i will.
two interesting blog related events (if i may call them that, for want of a better term). a friend msgd from bangalore to ask if i was feeling better. it was strange that he knew i was unwell. first thought- oh common friends must have to him. but he said that he got to know from the blog. strange. sweet. confusing, is it ok that friends know what is happening in my life/ to my life through my blog? i dont know. i guess its ok. changing times. he also asked why i blog. "was reading your blog...funny how i can know whats happening in your life...a peek at it. is blogging a release? means to express? a means to be heard? a hobby? or a record for one's days gone by? ..." perhaps. a release it is. it helps me clear my thoughts. a means to be heard? no. definitely not. i have enough friends i can call and rant. a hobby? perhaps. neo-hobby. a record? i would have said no. but have been going to my archives and it makes a good read. i like to then remember those days. its immense fun. it can make me go red in the face too. but thats fine.
and event 2 made me angry. then i got over it. wasnt worth bothering myself with. someone makes tangential caustic remarks about my blog. "Am not one of those who talk on the blog about where they've gone or what they've eaten - well, actually, I used to, but not anymore - so it all seems very silly now. Am not one of those beautifully feathered beings,...". *sigh* and some other posts. a blog i went to on a whim after ages, and this is what i find. fine. what makes me sad is very very very few people understand the concept of space. i dont know about others, but i need a lot of space. i cant have anyone cling to me. however close we may be. sometimes i need to just be. i abhor being asked where i am, who was it on the phone, with whom am i... and i dont like telling my friends to understand this. it irks the hell out of me. 'why dont you tell me anything?' arrey, because there is no need to. just because you tell me everything, it doesnt mean i like you any lesser if i dont tell you everything about my life. get a life. if you dont understand me, its not my problem. its a philosophy i stick to about everything that is me. people who understand me will (and are) accept me for what i am. the other? figure it out for yourself. this new phase to keep distance from some people (while strengthening some bonds) is not a rudeness-spree i am on. its just taking stock. its like emotional accounts, year ending and all.
been on anti-biotics, a little groggy. been resting a lot. eating a lot. might want to step out for a bit at night. i think i will. hopefully i will be feeling better. now to put on the thinking cap (red with a white swoosh) and down to study. here's a sample.
'the indian nationalistic movement gave an impetus to re-state the traditional aesthetic concepts. explain this with reference to tagore and aurobindo'
*sigh, sigh, sigh*
current colour: wine