aristera says

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

 

tabula rasa

too much too soon. a hectic trip pre-weekend. work completed. a crazy party which has left me embarrased and disgusted with myself. there is a thin line between accpetable and way-off. once again i cross. dealing with losses. to be there for a friend who needed me. i dont think i did a very good job. sometimes you dont know what to say. you cant tell someone "its ok, it will all be fine". sometimes its not ok. and you dont know what to say. all you do is be there for the person. i crashed the minute i took a shower and had my lunch. my body hurt. emotinally drained, physically drained.
need to get back into a routine. feel at odds. feel like painting. a train. anna karenina-esque. deep and melancholy. fine eye for details. hunger. need to paint more often. make a schedule.
will work tomorrow with a 'planned' approach. PERT charts et all. time to take control. literally and otherwise. things are strained with some people. it is sad. am also on a crazy 'cutting-down-number-of-friends' spree. cant handle the meaningless banter with so many people. it is taking a toll need some space too. i am trying hard to 'un-endumbment'. want to understand so much. cant waste time on people who dont matter. rather invest the time in something i enjoy, with people i want to be with.
going to the living room now, to watch a film. its hot here, in bombay. and its only the begining. i dont know what will happen next.

Comments:
'cutting-down-number-of-friends'

I, on the other hand, am on a making-new-friends spree. Just realised that I've hung out with the same group of friends forever and ever. And while that is fun, its also stagnant. Want to meet new people, with different perspectives, different ideas.
 
Thanks
 
mmm... u seem to be discomfiting some of ure regulars ;-)
*hugs, babe*
 
casa - the old ones are the bestest re.

lotus - huh?

ct - too bad! one of my favorite paintings is titled 'You Cant Please All'...a bhupen khakar.
 
Deep breaths and green tea, I say.
 
rrright. got it. ta-ta.
 
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